Category: Non Fiction

Things I have learned from Felicia and Omkar

If I ask my mind to do a work, which I am expected to do, like for example writing for my job, I am confident and I’ll do it. I might even redo it if required. But, if I ask myself to express something I feel for someone, my mind says ‘fuck off you aren’t doing that shit’.

I, for some reason have this weird self-doubting and self-confidence issue which pops up only when I have to do some personal expression kind of task, for example expressing feelings to my crush, telling someone I care for them etc. But this is changing.

From the time I have known Felicia, she has always been confident of the way she is. I have never seen her doubt herself for the way she looks. Omkar always calls himself ‘best’ no matter what the situation, occasion, photo anything. It sometimes gets annoying but it is the best way to instil some self-confidence. Whenever I have been in situations need of confidence, I have told myself you are best and it has worked!

Since I started loving the way I am a bit more and accepting myself, I got some courage to express what I feel too. I realized when there is certain amount of self-love and care it helps to convey the love and care for others.

Long distance within Mumbai is a reality. It isn’t feasible to travel one end to another to meet your buds every week. I have, since the time college is done met these two once a month. It sucks, but hey this has made me realize that being there for someone doesn’t mean practically seeing each other every time, it means being available when in need. And I am glad that in spite of the distance we have managed to be there for each other no matter what!

Felicia and Omkar are both good in more than one thing- photography/filming being common in both. Felcia has dancing skills while Omkar knows the tabla is two skills among some more both of them can do. The way both have put in efforts to nurture these skills and always have the learning wheel going is enough motivation for me to keep doing things I love!

Felica has a special skill when it comes to analysing and dealing with people. She is my go-to person when I have a problem dealing with someone. I don’t know how, she just sorts it for me of how I can deal the person. Omkar on the other hand has a calm head which is best to understand how to deal a troublesome situation. He breaks it down and makes it easier to deal with. I am trying my best to learn these two very important skills from both my gems!

The best common thing both have is kindness. They both believe to be human first over everything. It can be a dog, a person in train, a stranger or anyone. I think this quality is common among three of us.

You too might have that one friend or two or if lucky more friends who have made you realize and learn some important things. Yes, friends are to have fun, but there is so much more to friendship than that! Come, its time you think and appreciate friends for the good they have done to you as a person and when you do so, let me know too!

Things I learned from the Mumbai Local

When you live in Mumbai suburbs, conversations about the local train is bound to happen. This post is about what I learned from my five year mumbai local travel.

Years back I met an old man at Dadar station waiting for a train, he asked me a question which I couldn’t answer, “How many years do you wish to live?” It was random, I was standing beside him, both of us awaiting the train when he turns to me and asks the question. I look at him bewildered. The train arrives, he smiles and walk towards it. He perhaps asked me so looking at my weak health or me being on phone the full 10 mins we stood beside each other, I am not sure.

I am used to eating in train. A year ago when I was eating breakfast, I had a bit and was keeping my tiffin, when an aunty beside me who was dug in her phone all this while turned to me and said “finish it” I looked at her, smiled and offered her “you finish it” came her reply. I finished my breakfast for the first time in a while, that day.

Both these incidents were random but spoke volumes to me and hence close to my heart. Though, everything about the local train is not a feel good experience. There is a clasist feel present where in everybody in first class coach judge people by clothes and looks and fight if they feel that a person belongs to second class coach.

The Mumbai Local did teach me balance, practically balancing on one foot and in life too. Giving an elderly person seat, providing a helping hand to a stranger, helping someone with basic needs like water, helping a pregnant lady etc, these small acts of humanity occur in the same space where as I said above people don’t behave properly to people of lower work status or who seem too different than us. There has been a balance of good and bad experiences on the train.

One important thing that Mumbai Local has made me understand is how different men and women are. The way men manage the seats in the train and the way women do it is so strikingly different. Men do not claim seats; they stand and after a while of travelling say half hour, men standing sit. Women claim seats and sit accordingly. I have no clue why both do it so differently but thanks to this I know, men and women think different. People who wish to study gender, kindly note and help me find answer to this.

Something that saddens me though about local train is the behavior of the educated illiterates. Why I call them so? Who are they? The ones who are educated, might have jobs too and still get up from seat to throw trash out of the train door, or out of the train window. Any of you guilty ones reading this, please stop doing it. Anyone know who does this, make them stop, please!

The more I think about my mumbai local journeys, the more I feel blessed of being a Mumbaikar who travels. In a jam packed local train the one hanging at the door envies the one who is a step inside, the one inside envies the one standing comfortably inside, the one standing inside envies the one sitting comfortably and the person sitting wonders how they’ll manage to get down. Isn’t this how we feel about life? Don’t you have that one person you feel whose life is better than yours? We as humans always feel that the other is in a better shape than us, when the truth is, we are at the same game of life, dealing it in our ways and its upon us to make the most of what we have.

Local train journeys have taught me enjoying and respecting the journeys more than destinations. We all wish to reach somewhere, become something, but it’s the journeys that make us what we are.

If you are reading this, I hope you stop, smile and pat yourself for the journey you have lived so far. As John Lennon said it, life is happening to us when we are planning everything else.

 

Things I learned from people as I traveled

This year, I am thankful that I traveled. I still can’t believe how beautiful the year has been travel wise. There are few people I came across as I traveled from whom I learned, and had lessons to cherish forever. These people have made my travel diary smile brighter!

About two days after my birthday I was with 5 friends on a trail from Lonavla to Bhimashankar. We lost our way and asked for help. A man we met said 600/person charges to show us the way. We walked off and found ourselves lost again. Tired after our efforts, drenched in sweat we sat under a tree when we saw an old man come our way. We asked him for help to which he quickly said

I’ll just inform my family, if you can wait, then I’ll come show you the way

This old man helped us through the rest of the trail. Showed us where we could drink water, where we could rest. He cared for us without expecting anything in return. When we reached Bhimashankar, we gave him whatever we could, for him and his family.

On my second visit to Sikkim, I came across many interesting people. One of them who had a major impact on me was Prashant Rasaily, a film maker we had a session with as a part of our last industrial visit. This film maker in a couple of hours spoke things that made my mind go crazy.

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‘‘World has many successful people, not happy people, so grow to be happy people’’

He made me think of life in terms of how much happy I am, with just his words he made me think of my 20 years. How much of it have I made it worth? Have I really lived happy enough?

His session with us was supposed to be about his upcoming movie, about cinema in Sikkim etc. He did speak about all that but he wished the session to be much more than that. He urged us all to become happy people. He motivated us to think in terms of making a mark and helping the society than just doing what we wish to.

The trip to Ladakh was beautiful and it was our last lunch before we left. I was almost done eating when I saw a monk enter. I smiled at him and he smiled back. I went up to him to have a conversation.

I asked him his name, he replied. I asked him what he does, he looked puzzled and then smiled, I am a monk. I asked again, what do you do? He said, I do many things, overall I try to find meaning to my life. Wow. I thought, how do I find meaning to my life without becoming a monk?

We further talked about his life. A tradition that his family follows is to give away one son from the family to monastery. His younger brother wished to be a doctor and so it was upon him to become a monk. He wished to be a writer, he read a few poems he had written in his language and explained me the meaning in English. I asked him, what will you do with this writing talent? How are you going to nourish it?

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He smiled and said, I am trying to find meaning to my life, writing is only a medium.

The old man I met made me realize that I should always try to help someone in need, selflessly. And that its always in my hands to be good and helpful to someone or make profit out of someone’s misery.

The film maker made me question how I am living my life, it was like a mirror. To be a happy human is my goal than a successful one, thanks to him!

The monk I had a word with in a simple conversation made me realize that how lightly I am taking my love of writing and that I should put in more efforts. I am thankful to have come across them as learning from each is making me and travel diary smile brighter!

 

Things I learned from The Crazy Old Man

I have begun this series “Things I learned from…” because I believe that people make me happy, learning from people constantly is what I wish to do to stay happy always. Who better to begin with than The Crazy Old Man!

To pen down things learned from him might end up becoming my first book so I have put it out in this post in a nutshell. And, I am sure it won’t end here, there is more I’ll learn from him over the years we both shall live.

‘What will the world lose if you die today?’ is what being the head of the BMM department then, he wrote on the board on his first lecture with us in First year class. From that day to this, I strive to answer this question daily. It reminds me to make myself worthy of the things I wish to achieve.

Months after knowing him he took us to our first Industrial Visit. That visit and the experience of the travel with him lead to the birth of this blog. From then I have tried my best to keep writing, blogging and expressing through words. Today I can think of investing money in my blog to promote it. From an under-confident writer hesitating to have her first blog to this day- wouldn’t be possible without that little push!

I had a thing for traveling; he watered this seed in me. Today I know that I am a river person, that travelling is my way of healing. Travelling can mean anything to anyone but thanks to him I know what it means to me.

‘Read, there is no escape.’ As much as I wished to write and travel, there was zero enthusiasm to read. But he made me realize that to be the writer I wish to be, reading is essential. I still don’t read enough but I’m surely working on it!

Be it during the IVs, the nature club camps or any other situation, he has always put others before himself. I wonder how he does that. This is something I’m trying to practice in reality still.

I have never seen an introvert manage so many people at once with ease be it a varied crowd of 40 people at nature club camps or 70-80 young students of a class. How? I am yet to figure this one out and learn this skill. I think its people’s skills which even an introvert can master, I’m not sure though, as it is almost magical!

One of the biggest things learned from him is being a person of action more than words. He always said he didn’t like us as a class, but his actions said otherwise, he strived to get the best for our class till the last minute. I have somehow managed to be the same. I can’t come and tell you how you mean to me but I’ll try to imbibe all the learning taken from you and practice things you always wished your students should.

I wish I could go on and on, but hey, life is like that, you can’t keep doing things you love forever. There has to be coma, a full stop, a change of sentence, a change of chapter.

Things I learned from you Sir, is a book I hold close to my heart and read through every time in need and I’m sure of adding many more pages to it!

Things that make me happy

What makes you happy? What is that one thing that makes you smile? What is that one thing that makes you wish, you live longer? It can be your better half, your parents, family or simply a hobby or a goal you wish to achieve.

When I sat down to answer this question, there are a few things that popped in my mind. Reading, writing, travelling, etc. When I tried to question and find out why exactly do they make me happy, the answer became complicated.

Its easy to know what makes you happy. It isn’t as easy to figure out why it makes you happy. Its like your first crush, you know you like them, you don’t know why.

I banged my head on this for a while and finally got an answer. Its the learning experience from each of the things I love doing that makes me happy. Every time I complete reading a book, a blog post, a travel there is a sort of happiness I cannot feel otherwise.

When I hammered on this question for some more days I got a link between these things that make me happy. Its people! I am a non fiction person when it comes to reading, and usually end up reading experiences of people that I connect with. (Eat Pray Love being my last read.) I love to write so that I get back response of at least one person who connects with what I write. Travelling that I do has many reasons, one of the biggest is to meet people and know more about their lives.

This year I have done my best to spend time doing things that make me happy than I ever have. And guess what it wasn’t even on my resolution or to do list! So I would like you to push yourself and find out what makes you happy, find a relation within them like I did or just make sure you spend time doing these things that make you happy and the rest shall be take care of.

Till the year ends, my last series of posts will be “Things I learned from…” This will include people I have learned the most from & who have molded me into the being I am today!

My First Failure

I have always been the person who puts her heart and soul even in the smallest thing asked of me. From school till last week, I have never really faced a major failure. Emotionally I have failed a million times, but for the first time last week I failed as a part of a team in a project at My First Job.

We both gave our interviews on the same day. Our date of joining was also the same. We both had a lot of similar interests, so the bond was beautiful. I learned from her how to use words carefully and that how noticing small things about people can help any bond to grow. It wasn’t only her but in a span of weeks I had met ten team members and learned at least twenty new things which helped me grow as a person individually.

The reason we didn’t get the project wasn’t us. Our work was liked by our clients, they had some other priority work to be done and so they let go of us. We were all given an option to either stay in the company, work in some other team or leave. A few left, others got divided into different teams.

The day our manager told us that the project we all got hired for won’t be coming I kept thinking what better could I have done? What better could we have done as a team? What about our jobs now? What about telling Maa about this? What about managing things at home? I never faced a failure of this sort before. Instead, this was my first failure. I broke.

On my train journey back on the first day we all worked in separate teams there was a flashback from my interview day till the last day we worked as a team. I penned down my learning from each of my team members. After which, my quest for why exactly I felt broken begin.

I realised failure in the sense of losing the project wasn’t the major reason. I feared the changes the failure would bring in which made me cry more. When I got to this reasoning I realised, I have always taken my studies seriously not because I fear to fail but fear the changes a failure would get in my life. And this failure which I faced right on my face this time would bring in the worst kind of changes around me, around my first job atmosphere.

I do not even like to be late for a train, I always reach 10mins before time. I figured why. I fear the change missing a train would cause my timetable that day. I have few times faced this small failures but it didn’t affect me much as it didn’t change much things around me. But this time the change this failure of getting the project would be huge, and hence I felt broken within.

As I sat in the train with my book I tried to dig deeper to find how I can fix this new found problem in me – the fear of changes a failure causes. I closed my eyes for a second, thought for a while. ‘You cannot step into the same river twice’ is what my mind popped up, a quote I had recently read somewhere.

This quote by Heraclitus, a Turkish philosopher, makes it evident that nothing in life is constant. Everything is a phase. Also I believe, for some rhythm in life it is essential it has ups and downs. A person’s life can be judged not on how many things he owns but how many and in what ways he deals with failures.

The latter half of the train journey I penned down how I could deal this failure and the changes it will cause around me. I tried to figure about how I’ll stay in touch with the people in my team, about how I will try my best to do well at the new work expected of me. Facing my first failure made me meet an undercover fear I had. Each failure is learning, is a truth I experienced.

My First Flight

‘Is this your first flight ever?’

‘Yes’

‘Yay!’ and the two girls continued some happy murmurs.

‘Why? What happened?’

‘It is also our first flight experiences ever!’

I smiled. ‘Wow! This will be beautiful’ I said to myself.

It was only a day back I had returned from the Manali Camp when I met these two girls for our train to Jammu. I was trying my best to get out of the beautiful Manali experience and make some space in my mind for new Ladakh memories. After this first conversation about having our first flight experiences together, I got even more excited to end the two day train journey to reach Jammu for our flight to Leh.

I was tired from the Manali trip, my mind wished to talk to them but my body just dozed of the entire two day travel. I still feel guilty for the night I slept and both of them took turns to look after our bags. When we finally reached Jammu late night, I decided to make up for it. We talked the entire night and for me there couldn’t be a better night before my first flight because now I wouldn’t be travelling with two girls, but two friends- Samina and Malina.

We reached the Jammu Airport at 5:30am which meant we had another two hours of waiting before we would be taken inside the Airport. When we finally got in we were hungry and sleep deprived. Luckily there was a box of food given with the Boarding Pass.

When I returned from the final bag check and realized it was only few minutes before my first flight something shook me inside. The box in my hand was getting wet, my new found friends were getting tensed, I had no clue why but I couldn’t stop crying.

‘What happened?’ both asked one after another. I couldn’t say anything.

I gulped some saliva and said, ‘I’ll be fine by the time we land. Let me be’

‘Sure?’ both echoed

‘Yes’ I nodded.

From January, when I booked the plane tickets, I was waiting for this day. A flashback of all the difficulties Maa faced to get the money and everything else sorted for this trip made me cringe. My Manali trip was overwhelming and I couldn’t believe Ladakh trip is yet to unfold. Everything was too good to be true. My mind had chaos of thoughts which kept pouring through my eyes. I decided to pen every thought down when I get to my seat in the plane.

I had a window seat and so did Samina and Malina as we had booked them early. I put my seat belt and did stream of consciousness writing till the flight begin. The sight from the window made me smile and the chaos in my mind disappear.

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The snow-capped mountains are the peaks I need to achieve for myself and Maa, the sky is the kind of endless efforts I’ll require to do so and the clouds are like constant support I have from Maa and my friends for everything.

As soon as I got down from the flight, I hugged Samina tight. I turned and hugged Malina too. We had a small group hug and went to get our bags. I couldn’t utter a word but I was ready to explore as my mind managed to create a new folder for Ladakh memories.

My First Horror Film

‘Let’s go for Conjuring 2’ someone texted in my group and everyone bombarded with a yes. I read and didn’t respond as I am scared of horror films. A friend in the group insisted I should watch it and face my fears to which I politely denied. The next day someone read reviews and said that it isn’t too scary, the first part was better. I got manipulated by this ‘it isn’t too scary’ and went for the movie.

‘This one isn’t too scary, it won’t be bad, you can manage, it’s hardly 2 hours’ I told myself as I settled on my seat for the film. Only to realise, all that was told to me was in context to the first part which I didn’t watch and that this movie was not scary compared to the first part.

‘Based on true story’ I read on the screen, gulped my saliva and told myself ‘Don’t believe everything you see’ but this didn’t help me at all. I kept screaming like a baby. Hardly for some time I removed my hands off my face.

‘It wasn’t true. Ghosts don’t exist, everything you saw was a lie’ I kept telling myself for weeks together but it didn’t help. The face of Valak kept appearing in my dreams. I couldn’t forgive myself for torturing my mind with this movie. I kept thinking why was I so scared, what makes my friends less afraid of things like ghosts than I do.

‘I keep thinking about how the movie must be made the entire time so for me then it doesn’t look scary as it stays a piece of art’ said a friend.

‘I did get scared earlier, now that I have seen so much horror it doesn’t affect me’ said another friend about the film.

Its a year now and I still didn’t get an answer to why did I feel so scared. If I saw it like a form of art would it make it less scary? I do not have courage to see another horror film to see if watching more of it can make it less scary for me. I tried to find the root cause of the fear.

I believe that what we read, watch and learn helps us perceive things in our surroundings different from others. This is why I try to read a lot so that what I think and write down improves in the sense of language as well as ideas.

However, I have never read fantasy fiction of any kind. My mind has never consumed anything which it cannot detect as a reality or a possible reality. A ghost as a possible reality is unacceptable in my head. This is why when I try to consume horror out of nowhere it becomes difficult for my mind to deal with it.

In addition to this, fear of death creates more chaos in my head. It makes me feel that this ‘not so possible ghost’ can actually kill me. May be if I read more about ghosts, horror and in my mind deal with it as a possibility I can find courage to watch my second horror film.

What is it that you are scared of? Finding the cause of it and then dealing with the fear is a good personal experiment. Let me know if you find a fear and deal with it and I shall try to watch a horror film soon!

My First Trek

My first big college trip to Malvan in Oct 2015 moulded me in many ways. It gave birth to this blog and planted a seed of travelling within. This trip made me revisit my vague childhood trekking memories.

The same year in December my cousin asked me if I wished to go the highest peak in Maharashtra. Kalsubai which is located at an elevation of 1646m is a soothing winter trek. When my cousin added that the travel would be on bike, I agreed to go without realizing what I had got myself into.

The forts in Malvan were sea forts and didn’t have much of climbing. The trek to Daulatabad was a blurry image. This was my first proper trek after ages. My excitement and happiness had no bounds. The night before I packed my back as told, twisted and twirled somehow to sleep. We left early morning but soon my excitement came to a halt.

The tyre of our bike got punctured with a big nail within an hour of the ride. I and my cousin somehow managed to fix it at a garage and reached a bit late to the breakfast stop we were supposed to meet everyone. We ate and began the ride again. I was quiet and praying the rest of the way sitting behind my cousin.

‘Will she do it? Has she trekked before? She will complete it surely?’ These and many other questions were asked to my cousin. He wasn’t sure of the answers either yet he managed to say to his friends

‘Yes, she will do it. You’ll do not worry’

His confidence in me gave me a different boost to do this trek and to do it well. Five of us began climbing. After half hour two of his friends dropped out due to unavoidable reasons. Now, it was just me, my cousin and one of his friends.

I saw the peak and was charged to reach it. The structure of Kalsubai is such that you can see the peak the entire time while climbing but reaching it takes time. It’s almost like it trolls you. You feel you have reached when it says, hell you are near, climb more.

After being trolled at least thrice we finally reached the peak. I felt I had beaten all the odds that held me back. I had not thought if my being around made anything awkward for my cousin, I challenged myself physically and did what my heart said that day. I was celebrating this new found serenity within at the top of Maharashtra.

The climb down was easy physically but difficult in my mind. I didn’t wish to let go the feeling of being with the clouds, the mountain, the chirping birds, and the trees. We ate our tiffin as we got down and in a while began the ride back home.

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As the bike began I saw the peak going far and I started to sing ‘Ae sala, abhi abhi hua yakeen, k aag hai mujh mai kahi…’ My cousin joined in as we sang this full song.

In a span of few songs we reached home. From then, bike ride and singing with him is the thing I look for in every trek. I am glad that I took this decision two years back to go on this trek. I let go off the stupid thoughts that held me back and discovered a side of me that I am still exploring.

Life is an adventure to be unraveled each day. Try to explore each shade of you, places and people around. It is an adventure but doesn’t last too long so make the most when you can!

My First Mistake

My first mistake is about this one person I loved, my first love. After five years, my first mistake. Five years is the maximum time I have ever taken to realize that something I did was a mistake. It has taken me a year now to admit it finally that indeed my first love was my first mistake.

‘I let go of the relationship because I wasn’t able to make music. I wasn’t able to do something I am passionate about though I gave in a lot of efforts.’ A friend said when I asked about his past relationship.

He later adds that how he has learned to make better decisions about relationships. He believes that if being in a relationship somehow mentally stops you from doing what you love then there is something wrong.

I couldn’t have agreed more. Today a lot of people know me as a person who writes and who loves to travel. I wasn’t able to do this when I was in a relationship. Two years back when I first went with my cousin on a trek was my first step out of the relationship. This year when I challenged myself to write poems over prose is when I completely got myself out of the mistake.

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Your body knows when it is comfortable with someone or no, listen to it.

‘I learned how to express. I learned how to tell someone what I felt even if it meant to hurt them. I hurt him a lot, but I had to say what I felt, if I didn’t it would be worse.’ A friend expressed when asked about her learning from a relationship.

This is something I didn’t do. I never spoke what I felt in the relationship. I am as a person expressive mostly when I am happy. I can’t express anything when I am low. I ignored things that hurt me and blasted happiness on the ones that made me feel good. If you are reading this, please do not do this. Express everything you feel good or bad.

My first love was a mistake because I took the decision to be with someone too early. I was very young and I just let myself let go in it. I kept feeling something was wrong but only figured what was wrong too late.

A relationship can work only if you feel right about it. I always felt it was a mistake and it turned out to be one. But I am glad I have admitted it to myself that it was a mistake and figured out what exactly was wrong. I am glad that I have learned something and grown as a person. I only hope to not repeat the mistake and find someone right when it’s the right time.

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