A week with Maa

“I am so happy you are home,” Mom smiled.

“Yeah, me too”

“No seriously, I haven’t felt so happy in a while,” Mom embraced me.

After this, I did a happy dance in my head. And dug a hole where I buried all my worries of work, my guilt of not doing anything at all for five days and danced again!

My work got the best out of me. On the desk I gave the best and as a person I grew on a different level, doing things I wished to do for years like weekly blogging, monthly trekking etc.

But having said and done the above, I didn’t relax at all. For the past eight months, I have been working, trekking or writing my blog. I had not given a day to just do nothing and be with Maa. But these five days at home I did that.

I watched TV with Maa, cooked with her, cleaned the house, talked, ate and slept. I did nothing else. By the end of these five days there was so much refreshed energy in me. And along the week there was a moment which made me realize a few things.

This moment occurred when we were watching FRIENDS on TV. I and Maa are enjoying it when I ask mom her favourite character on the show.

“I love Phoebe and Joey. Both are easy going, different and fun. They always seem to be living life at their own terms in a little world of their own.”

We talked about the show, the characters, and episode, ate lunch and decided to have a nap. My mind couldn’t be at rest, it was trying to make sense why Mom related to the characters she did. Only to realize that she never lived a life on her own terms and almost sixty years of her existence she had only lived for others.

She always wished to be home with me and my sister but she had to work. When finally she retired and wished to spend time with us, my sister had left for higher studies, and I had got a job to be busy with. I perhaps longed for this week at home with her only to relax but Maa wished to live this week, this way, forever.

This realization made think of ways, to make the most of the time with her. I talked to her about her childhood, made tea for her, watched all her stupid serials and tried to keep the house clean. I felt happy doing all this and felt silly to have not done so before.

Maa never asked me for this week because she knew the importance of my work. I didn’t think of spending a week this way because I suck at understanding people and situations. But I feel blessed that this happened and that I did have a week of nothingness but just me and Maa.

I think it is clear what I wish you do after reading this or if nothing else, please think. Think about the two people because of whom you exist. Remember as you grow, they age. They might expect, they won’t express, but you should gift them the most important thing, time.

April 15, 2018

Funny Guy

About you funny guy
I am unable to decide
Whether I should come and express
Or let it be within me
Should I tell you
How I feel
Should I tell you
How you make me feel
About you funny guy
I am not sure
How you will react
To the volcanoes of emotions
To the thunder storm of feelings
To the flood of hormones
I feel
When I am around you
Funny guy
Do you have a single clue of this?
Slighest idea?
Tell me you do
Tell me you feel the same
Tell me you are as attracted to me as I am
Tell me, I am beautiful
Tell me, you care
I am sorry funny guy
I feel desperate
And it feels like a rebound
And so wrong in my head
To come and express to you
What I feel
As it is, telling someone what I feel is difficult
And in trivial matters as such
I feel I am not capable enough
I don’t feel I deserve you
But I definitely feel for you
And hope to tell you one day

I send in this poem, expressing what I felt.
I got a poem back as a response, stay tuned to read that!

March 3, 2018

BRO Quotes

It is like the drive up Nathu La

was listening to music,

while the drive down

understanding the lyrics.

As the ride took little pace

suddenly I saw a picture of my dad

yes, in my driver

it usually happens to me when

I speak to elderly men

The climate outside was getting cooler

As we drived up

But monsoon had began within

As my cheeks felt the showers

Each horrible memory of my childhood

Playing like a movie

It wasn’t Sanam my driver

It was his warm personality

Also he was too handsome to be my dad

Whenever I see a good elderly man

I think what if even a percent of this man my dad would be

So different each day of my childhood would be

Then suddenly a BRO Quote appears

“Tough times don’t last, tough people do”

So true I murmured under my breath

Sanam, was kind

He felt the vibe

He shared how he misses his small daughter

But this made my rain showers

Become silent thunder storms

Sanam didn’t know what went wrong

As I was already a bit low

But ‘missing’ the word only

Reminded me of my sister

How I wished to be there

At the airport, to wish her goodbye

To tell her, in one way or another

Intentionally or no

She did shape me into the person

I have turned out to be

but I am an awkward human

I know I wouldn’t have said so

If I was there, would have

Helped her and may be hugged her

And her behaviour would as ususal

Make me wish to stab her

Again a BRO Quote I read

“BRO it is never too late”

I wonder if it was to

Tell my sister what she means to me

Or to stab her

Smiling slightly I got down near a lake

Me and Sanam caught hands, had a quite walk

Without a single word

Just absorbing the beauty of the place

Silently, admist the touristy chaos

Just before I entered the jeep again

I saw a mother trying to save her small kid

From the cold, she held him inside her own jacket

I tried to see her till the last moment

The climate changed outside

As the clouds started covering the roads

So did the stormy clouds cover my heart

And heavy rains made my only tutle neck sweater wet

First time in the ride my crying made a sound

However I am too good making it feel

Like a cough & nose cleaning sound

How could I let her be alone

In a moment I knew she would need me the most

Dad is never there when needed

Grandma had left us abrubtly

Neha had to leave

How could I have been so selfish

And come for this IV?

I read a BRO Quote again

“BRO look on the bright side”

For the first time ever

I smiled in the middle of tears

Yes I thought

Wasn’t it all worth it

To be here, in the middle of clouds

And with these people #onelasttime

Meeting so many people

Formally and on the roads

I had consoled myself

As we almost reached Gangtok

When again a BRO Quote appeared

“BRO you live only once”

As if summing up my entire

Emotional Turmoil in the drive down

Sanam and BRO Quotes became my new BROs

I am not sure of meeting these BROs again

But they have given me a lesson

I will rewind again and again

February 25, 2018

A trip of Faith

I was stuck on a small patch with hardly some grip and a group of thorn shrubs, trying to find my way up. Three people crossed me, I tried to follow but just couldn’t. I felt stuck with three people ahead, rest too behind to help. What next?

A fourth person came by, I followed him, figured my way to top, and oh my, it was all so worth it! I could see layers of mountains before me romancing with clouds. The breeze welcomed me to their world and within moments I was lost! I poured my heart out in that moment, hoping that the mountains would listen, understand and help. Aha before that, time for a two-day flashback.

The first long weekend of the year was planned. Thursday night to Sunday night, all set to cover the Balgan Range in Maharashtra. I came home from work and within an hour left for the big trip ahead of me, and of course felt I didn’t pack properly.

We took a train to Kasara and had a 4-5 hour night ride to the base village of the first fort in plan-Nhavigadh. Hardly a few slept in train and everyone tried to sleep in the vehicle to the base village, I still wonder how many succeeded to get some sleep.

Outside the window I could see the moonlight shining on the fields though I couldn’t see the moon. There were thoughts about the day, my work, home, decisions about education I need to take etc. My head going in pace with the vehicle, I tried to sing along the songs but it didn’t work, my mind just loves creating chaos. This is when I realized, I hadn’t packed properly, I didn’t pack myself.

We were 14 people cramped up in a vehicle for 12 I suppose, so when we finally reached the base village Nhavigadh, we all did some stretches. But normal stretching is so bore, I instead had a race with my cousin, it was so refreshing, I finally packed myself, out of my chaotic mind, into a few days of just nothing, but me, the places I was going to and the people I was with!

Finally the climb of the first fort began, and the sun decided to rise up with us and bless us as if wishing us luck for the entire trip ahead. Wherever we were, we all sat down in awe.

No one amongst us had been to the fort and hence finding a way to the top was a task. A few went up, tried to find a way but couldn’t. A friend ahead of me said, we could try a route he could see ahead, I said let’s try and we did, we found the right way! A yay moment for me as I am pathetic with directions & everything in geography that way, but this changed in the course of the trip!

We hoisted the national flag on this fort as we do always when we trek on national holidays and began to head down. We had some amaze chai from a local house and headed to the next forts in plan.

We barely had some breakfast and took some cucumbers and other fruits to carry as we started the climb of Mangi-Tungi. Both are nothing but caves with jain structures carved in them. This place gives the feel of a typical tourist spot, with chitter-chatter and trash all over.

I was walking with a friend and talking about how there are two parallel worlds we are living in, one where we are reaching the best of technology and the other where we are simply destroying the way nature has always been.

I hadn’t even finished saying my entire thought when a monkey came by and snatched the fruits out of my friend’s hand. This took me back to when I saw the langoors ruling the Ranthambore fort. What are we doing to the wild? Where are we heading? This thought still makes me numb.

There were about more than thousand steps to the top and from there another 300 something to Tungi and over a 200 on the other side to Manghi. Whoever decided to not let the climb to these two places be naturally through the mountains as with other forts in Maharashtra and create these steps and make it touristy, thank you, you ruined a beautiful mountain and probably its soul will come and haunt you. When we reached the top, I saw newly made structures kept in front of the old carvings, this to me felt like flowers on the tomb of the dead mountain.

When we finally came down, I was hungry but my wish to eat had died. I didn’t feel too good about the experience. But as the good old saying said by nobody goes, ‘a dog can change your mood’ is true! I met a cute doggo and it all got undone.

We went to the base village Mulher, of the next forts in plan and climbed up half way to stay in a temple. People from the group cooked some amaze dinner as I slept through the whole process, woke up only to enjoy the pulao with some pickle. Next day morning, we got up, had our “pahado-wali-maggi” and left for the big day ahead.

This trip I didn’t carry my camera because I had a terrible pain in my left shoulder. I didn’t wish to make my camera a burden for someone else to carry. A decision I still can’t make peace with.This decision caused me a lot of frames, as they will now be only in my mind.

I did manage to capture a few from my phone and few in the phones of people I walked ahead with. The only positive part of this decision was I felt I lived in the moment, helped finding ways, more than I do usually when I trip with camera and phone on me.

We figured our way to Hargadh with a lot of trial and error. I had wild flowers on my head for company throughout, the time spent in the shades and the frequent embrace of the breeze made the journey magical. We took our group picture with the huge canon on the fort, saw the massive view of the mountains and moved to the next fort in plan, Muler.

Now the heat was creating hindrance in the climb but we managed to reach Muler as the way wasn’t as tough as the previous fort. We had lunch and explored the fort. We completed Muler and left for Mora immediately. The map below shall help you figure this out.

I was ahead most of the time with a few people for company. And as the two forts done in the day were tiresome the speed of the group had slowed down. This to my advantage gave me some time with the mountains just below the base of Mora fort.

I began to pour my heart out and felt like I was being heard. The mountain responded with the help of breeze and the swifts trying to fly. I decided I won’t climb up Mora and be here with the mountains for a while. My cousin convinced me otherwise and I began climbing with him.

When we reached the top, the sun decided to bless us again, this time it showed in slo-mo how it goes down. This was one of the best sunsets I ever saw. It felt like I ticked off from my bucket list in one trip, the best sunrise and sunset!

We got down from Mora fort and reached the base village Saler of next forts in plan, Saler and Salota. We ate breakfast and left early as planned. I had ignored my shoulder pain all this while but it was the third continuous trek day and now my shoulder said it couldn’t take anymore.

There was no moving back, there was no other way, I told my shoulder to take in one more day and then no more. The conversation with my shoulder ended abruptly as my mind had a new thing to focus on, to get out of the no grip with only shrubs around situation.

When I got out of the place I was stuck, I went up and lied down for a while begging my shoulder to shut up, it kept saying give up give up and I kept ignoring. I finally was woken up by a really strong breeze as if sent by the mountains to wake me up.

The mountains said, the no grip-shrubs around situation you were stuck in, is just like you in your life right now. There are successful people ahead of you and there are people way behind as well. You took one leap of faith and you reached here to converse with me. That’s all you need to do, have faith, and take a leap of faith.

I received the answer I was looking for during my Ranthambore trip. Within a few days after this trip I put down papers at my job and enrolled myself in a course I always wished to do. A leap of faith taken, what lies ahead, time alone shall tell.

I was happy high the rest of the climb to Salota and Saler. I sang and danced to the mountains to thank them the entire day. The two songs on repeat were “Aas Paas Hai Khuda” and “Tu hai Aasma Mai”

When I saw a new trekker with us reach Saler, the last fort in plan, I felt motivated. It made me realize, that this trip was all about faith. She had faith and she did it. At Saler, the highest fort in Maharashtra, the clutter in my find finally cleared.

As always, I didn’t wish to leave the mountains, with a heavy heart and happy mind I trekked down. We reached back to Kalyan in time as planned and a beautiful trip ended with some tasty chicken and chapatis.

I hope this blog inspires you to travel and makes you believe in the power of nature.
I am planning to have a solo trip this year, to explore more facets of me & my bond with nature , if you have any suggestions, find me on Insta @nishanavgire !

February 3, 2018

Do It Right

I got to finally blogging every week, maintained a travel book, a monthly planner, an ideation book, read many books, drew few doodles/drawings and wrote poems for Insta posts. In one sentence, this is my entire 2017.

I didn’t write poetry until Jan last year. There was a certain amount of fear I had about poetry especially looking at the way it has all expanded over the internet. It scared me. Like a big canvas.

I realized, when you first start drawing in school you start from a small book and not on a canvas. That’s exactly what I did with my poetry.

I started with whatever images I had and started writing poetry on each. Over the year I gained courage and wrote few poems on various pictures I clicked during my travels and made sure I pushed myself to post it on my Insta profile.

I felt similar fear with doodling too. Doodling on A4 page scared me. When I cut it into four parts I doodled with confidence and results looked good too. Also, I realized I doodle or draw more when I need clarity of thoughts. I observed that after a bit of drawing, doodling I was able to pen down thoughts fluently.

Chaos in my mind is a common thing as I am one of them who over thinks too. So I always keep with me few small white papers and loads of stationary for safety.

IMG_20180107_135024162 — Some doodling/drawing from last year which managed to look good

Untill last year I would read one book in like 2-3 months. I would always want to read more but never would end up doing so. I tried to figure out why this was happening. I never read anything on weekends and during big trips. The only time I read sincerely was daily in local trains.

So I tricked myself and kept two books in my bag. I read one while going to work and other on my way back. In a span of a month, I finished both. I have decided to keep this habit going and continue reading more this year around.

One of the biggest achievement last year personally was being able to write my blog every week. And this I would completely credit to the other big change in my life, my first job.

Being at work 5 days of the week made me realize the importance of spending time on something I love to do. The thought of losing the core of my being due to a job terrified me and hence I kept writing every week.

As a reflex reaction to calm my body, I traveled. I have said it before and I say it again, travelling in a way is my therapy, a way I heal myself. And therefore a huge part of me is inclined towards it. I know come what may, I’ll be travelling various places this year around too.

To do it right, to achieve what you want I suggest figure out your body clock. I am a morning person and I end up ideating and being more productive in the morning. Figure this out, it will ease the process of achieving what you want.

Figure out how you function, tap your own habits. Like how I figured when I read the most and when I didn’t. Analyse yourself and try to absorb your natural behaviour into the tasks you wish to do.

At the end of the day, only you can help your boat sail. Making resolutions is merely saying it. I would suggest don’t say, make your boat sail through it, do it and do it right.

I have penned down here how I managed to do it right, I hope it inspires you to have a more productive year. All the best!

My last week of the year was beautiful in Ranthambore, Rajasthan.
A post on the travel coming up soon. Until then, my insta (@nishanavgire)
will have pictures from the trip with poems of course!

January 7, 2018