A True Friend

“You talk the most, to yourself the entire day, so make sure, you talk well”

I don’t remember the exact quote or the name of the writer but it meant what I managed to write above. And this line is important because you can lie to your best friend but not to yourself. In this busy world, try to find a true friend in no one else but within you.

How to find a true friend within you? Simple, as you have found all your friends in life. Don’t know how to do that? Read on to find out.

“You watched Zakir Khan stand up?

Yes, of course.

And it leads to an hour talk on his jokes, which one is funniest, comedy overall etc. Instantly, a relatable conversation sparks up the start point of a friendship. Spark up a question to yourself, why do you enjoy Zakir Khan’s comedy? Answer that and you’ll have a little window open within you.

Another reason why people bond is they receive and reciprocate care and concern. Two people who try to be there for each other through thick and thin are said to be the best pals. You know who the one-two or if you are lucky five-six people are, who will be by your side, no matter how much you screw up.

But hey, when was the last time you took a day off for you? Did nothing but spent time reading, went for a spa, took to the art gallery or anything that relaxes you. Your body is all you got and showering some love for no reason is something you should try.

Over the years, the way we make friends, the way we bond has sure changed. I remember mom recalling in her college days she went for one movie only, they would all bond only during their study time and community functions.

Today, it is all over the place. You can talk on the phone, you can chat, you can go to movies, go to the mall, go to the stadium for a match, or to a club or a coffee house. The options are plenty.

The idea of how and where you bond transformed, but not the reason. Man is a social animal and will always like to be around people to talk, have fun and connect. It is a part of being a human.

The best way to stay connected to what you are is by meeting your old friend. Take your phone and call the oldest friend on the list and maybe if lucky, try to have a meet. It will be like looking into a mirror and watching your own transformation as a person.

‘I don’t know how to stay in touch with people’ I said

‘What do you mean?’ a colleague intrigued.

‘I don’t do math usually but I am in touch with two people from school, two people from junior college, and at the moment close to only two people from senior college’

‘Oh, that a weird math. But, if you wish to stay in touch with people, just text or call them randomly’

I can’t do that. Only if I could, I would be in touch with more people today. I tried to explain so to my colleague this a year ago, but she didn’t get it. I can’t chat on my phone with more than three-four people at a time. I can’t call someone every other day and talk randomly. This is how I am and I have been for years.

Have you faced something similar? If not, you are way too cool than I am. But, if you are as weird with this whole maintaining friends thing, high-five! Hopefully, we sail through this.

This is also the problem that we face while finding the true friend within us. I mean who can maintain taking a day off every month? Loner is what you will be called. You might even be called a retard.

I have faced it and I know it. But it is important to maintain that connection with you. It can get challenging and if not a best friend, try to find at least a friend. Try to know yourself. Try to understand why you did what you did. Accept your flaws, appreciate your efforts, improve and excel your abilities.

I am sure you will wish many people a happy friendship day, but, I hope you think about finding a true friend within you. It might sound creepy or it might sound wonderful, but I hope you give it a try.

August 4, 2018

The Balance – I

I never found myself to be a complete introvert, or completely an extrovert. But after a bit of research I found this quote and it made me feel better. “There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert.” Carl Jung. He proposed that each individual has both introverted and extroverted side and it depends on what takes predominance over the other.

Jung said that there is middle and its being an Ambivert. An ambivert is a person who has a balance of the traits of an introvert and extrovert. For example, a person, who requires and enjoys time with self, such a person also rejoices time with people.

Yes, I am this personality type, I need my time and I also need time with people. I was so glad to know this. And this is one of the reasons why, I either am into a person and share everything I wish or I am not at all. Being an ambivert is why I either come out to be as introverts to some people and extroverts to few.

I am still in contact with the guide I met in Manali but I am not with ‘friends’ from school. The people I travel with know a different me than my friends from college. The bond I share with mom is similar to two of close friends. I recently connected to a person from college, outside of college. I am in touch with only two people from school and share a unique bond with both.

We all connect to different people on different levels. Each connection is special in its own way. It need not be boxed in to friends, close friends, best friends, family etc.

You just know it when you connect to someone. It can be in a train journey, in a party, in a formal meeting anywhere. It is also the other way round. You just know it when you don’t connect with someone and there is some friction. Best example can be that one friend in your entire college group you don’t talk to, share with or in my words ‘feel connected’ with.

I have lost people in my life because I stopped feeling connected to them on any level. For good or bad I don’t know, but there wasn’t a thing that made me stay in touch. I did try to on many levels but it didn’t work. This is when I started living on the word connection more than friendship.

In this fast paced life why pressure oneself and make promises of being there when you know apart from a few people you really can’t be there for all?

You be there in need for someone and that’s enough. This need can be of someone you just met in train or knew for years from school, what matters is being there at the right time, being approachable. This also helps you to be detached and not dependent.

We as a generation are growing up to be more virtual. The need to share what you are doing and with whom is becoming more important than what you actually are doing. We are at one point all guilty of some event we went to where we did nothing but update it on social media.

The important point here to be aware of what one is doing. And try to strike a balance between being in the virtual and connecting in the real world, being there for people in real and acknowledging the power of the virtual. Just like an ambivert who balances the introvert and extrovert traits, the need of the day is to balance the real and virtual.

Know when to be in real and how to use the virtual for your benefit
and life will become magical wherever you head to.

February 11, 2018

Things I have learned from Felicia and Omkar

If I ask my mind to do a work, which I am expected to do, like for example writing for my job, I am confident and I’ll do it. I might even redo it if required. But, if I ask myself to express something I feel for someone, my mind says ‘fuck off you aren’t doing that shit’.

I, for some reason have this weird self-doubting and self-confidence issue which pops up only when I have to do some personal expression kind of task, for example expressing feelings to my crush, telling someone I care for them etc. But this is changing.

From the time I have known Felicia, she has always been confident of the way she is. I have never seen her doubt herself for the way she looks. Omkar always calls himself ‘best’ no matter what the situation, occasion, photo anything. It sometimes gets annoying but it is the best way to instil some self-confidence. Whenever I have been in situations need of confidence, I have told myself you are best and it has worked!

Since I started loving the way I am a bit more and accepting myself, I got some courage to express what I feel too. I realized when there is certain amount of self-love and care it helps to convey the love and care for others.

Long distance within Mumbai is a reality. It isn’t feasible to travel one end to another to meet your buds every week. I have, since the time college is done met these two once a month. It sucks, but hey this has made me realize that being there for someone doesn’t mean practically seeing each other every time, it means being available when in need. And I am glad that in spite of the distance we have managed to be there for each other no matter what!

Felicia and Omkar are both good in more than one thing- photography/filming being common in both. Felcia has dancing skills while Omkar knows the tabla is two skills among some more both of them can do. The way both have put in efforts to nurture these skills and always have the learning wheel going is enough motivation for me to keep doing things I love!

Felica has a special skill when it comes to analysing and dealing with people. She is my go-to person when I have a problem dealing with someone. I don’t know how, she just sorts it for me of how I can deal the person. Omkar on the other hand has a calm head which is best to understand how to deal a troublesome situation. He breaks it down and makes it easier to deal with. I am trying my best to learn these two very important skills from both my gems!

The best common thing both have is kindness. They both believe to be human first over everything. It can be a dog, a person in train, a stranger or anyone. I think this quality is common among three of us.

You too might have that one friend or two or if lucky more friends who have made you realize and learn some important things. Yes, friends are to have fun, but there is so much more to friendship than that! Come, its time you think and appreciate friends for the good they have done to you as a person and when you do so, let me know too!

November 26, 2017

Emotions are Offline

In a train journey during a college industrial visit I just popped a question to my friend

‘How did your relationship began? Who said it first?’

One friend’s answer lead to curiosity of another and a chain of questions and answers followed until almost the entire class got involved in the discussion.

‘It was just a plain text message’

‘He didn’t say it but sang a song so even I didn’t say it but replied through a song’

‘We said it together like the text messages reached exactly at the same time’

And so many more stories of the ultimate confession for a feeling for someone special in our teens were discussed. The thing I noticed was the first time feelings said were through texts, calls or in meet ups and later on whatsapp texts and fewer skyped. The way emotions got conveyed is so heavily influenced by the technology available.

The good old ways of writing letters, waiting in a line to connect a call on a public telephone booth, waiting for calls to connect on the landlines etcetera. I remember I wished to write and receive letters from my first love, we wrote and coordinated through phone to get it exchanged from my building’s letter box despising the entire purpose of wait for a letter yet maintaining the hand written expression of feelings. That is how difficult it gets to express feelings in the style of a different technological era.

However I feel the advancements in technologies has decreased part of emotions and feelings, now by swiping left and right you decide your date. Your heart hardly plays a role and your brain’s decision in few seconds tells you with whom to go out for. Yes over the years society evolves and lot of changes occur in the way relationships work but my problem is the speed. The speed at which one decides to date someone and break off with someone is making it difficult for the feelings to survive, fights over changing status after being in relation and even sharing passwords is a huge discussion when topics to talk should be intended to know and understand the other. The part of the virtual world in the relationship complicates the emotional aspect of it.

Recently the known television star committed suicide due to issues with her boyfriend, I remember a few years back a famous film actress do so for similar reasons. When emotions and feelings go offline and communicating relationship issues goes haywire such results are seen. For me the ultimate secret to have a healthy relation is to understand how to romance with time, the time you get with your loved one. To try and attempt to know the other person’s likes and dislikes in real life rather than the things of the virtual world. As much as the internet and the digital age eases ways to communicate it complicates ways of expressing oneself.

If we consider movies depicting the way the society is then I belong to the time of the movie Sirf Tum, a very rare unusual love story of being in love with someone without ever meeting them but falling in love with the letters exchanged. However hard one may try, this kind of love story is difficult to survive in this digital age. A movie I watched last night made me feel so, that this is the age of speedy relations where the two lead stars just fall in the love entirely got conveyed on social media and shows complications in surviving such relationship. Such movies make me feel like an alien to this age where I still like to write to convey what I feel, thanks to postcrossing.com that my faith in writing still exists. May be this exactly why for the last couple of months I have been writing letters for my friends on Birthdays, Farewells and have been unable to give it to them due to this detachment I am feeling inside me!

Overall I feel the virtual world living is decreasing the understanding of living in reality and is in a way complicating expression of emotions and feelings. For good or for bad only time and more advancements shall tell.

April 3, 2016