hope – think twice nish

“Maa, I had a bad day, please keep the food and bed ready. Will just eat and sleep”

“Okay beta,”

As I hung up the call I realized how I would call her to get things while returning home from office. How she for all the years of her work life, never had a call back home saying what I just did. As I reached home, I hugged Maa and said “How did you manage work and yet manage us and all the other family drama so smoothly?”

“You have more to see in the world. Come have dinner, it will get cold”

I don’t remember a time I ever felt any joy for food. But she always feels the joy to cook for me in a hope that I’ll eat with the same joy.

This is being hopeful for two decades straight without any positive output! To me this is an epitome of being hopeful in life. How do you manage to have hope in such a hopeless child like me?

My sister posted that she went to Bondi beach in Australia.

“I’ll ask her boondi beach gayi hai, laddoo beach kab jayegi”

This is the kind of humour my mom has always had. This was a dig at my sister but more often than not the jokes are two fold, punching me right in the face and making herself laugh if not anyone else!

I think this is how she gets back at me for not eating. But her jokes have also managed to lighten my mood at times when all I wish to do is nag and cry.

“Mom I need some coffee”

“I am watching Kiran the Knitter’s new video, in 5 mins I’ll give”

The above mentioned youtuber is one of my mom’s favourite. She keeps learning new knitting skills online. Instead from the time she is been introduced to youtube there hasn’t been a day for her without learning something new in areas of her interest like knitting and cooking.

Mom has a root desire to do her bit no matter what. In any situation, under any circumstance she always thinks of the other before her. How? Maa is the kind of person who would get beaten all over and still offer the person some food, yes food because its mom after all!

I have only observed Maa, I am yet to learn how she manages to remain sane amidst the chaos around. I’ll try my best at adapting some poor joke skill as well. I have definitely inherited the learning wheel from her. I am trying to become more selfless. I am hopeful to learn all this and more. And my hopes won’t die, learned that for sure!

This is my last post in the series “Things I learned from…” I hope this and each post gave you some learning too 🙂

My first mistake is about this one person I loved, my first love. After five years, my first mistake. Five years is the maximum time I have ever taken to realize that something I did was a mistake. It has taken me a year now to admit it finally that indeed my first love was my first mistake.

‘I let go of the relationship because I wasn’t able to make music. I wasn’t able to do something I am passionate about though I gave in a lot of efforts.’ A friend said when I asked about his past relationship.

He later adds that how he has learned to make better decisions about relationships. He believes that if being in a relationship somehow mentally stops you from doing what you love then there is something wrong.

I couldn’t have agreed more. Today a lot of people know me as a person who writes and who loves to travel. I wasn’t able to do this when I was in a relationship. Two years back when I first went with my cousin on a trek was my first step out of the relationship. This year when I challenged myself to write poems over prose is when I completely got myself out of the mistake.

IMG_20161229_160428205 - Copy — Your body knows when it is comfortable with someone or no, listen to it.

‘I learned how to express. I learned how to tell someone what I felt even if it meant to hurt them. I hurt him a lot, but I had to say what I felt, if I didn’t it would be worse.’ A friend expressed when asked about her learning from a relationship.

This is something I didn’t do. I never spoke what I felt in the relationship. I am as a person expressive mostly when I am happy. I can’t express anything when I am low. I ignored things that hurt me and blasted happiness on the ones that made me feel good. If you are reading this, please do not do this. Express everything you feel good or bad.

My first love was a mistake because I took the decision to be with someone too early. I was very young and I just let myself let go in it. I kept feeling something was wrong but only figured what was wrong too late.

A relationship can work only if you feel right about it. I always felt it was a mistake and it turned out to be one. But I am glad I have admitted it to myself that it was a mistake and figured out what exactly was wrong. I am glad that I have learned something and grown as a person. I only hope to not repeat the mistake and find someone right when it’s the right time.

Tag: hope

Things I learned from Maa

My First Mistake