About you funny guy
I am unable to decide
Whether I should come and express
Or let it be within me
Should I tell you
How I feel
Should I tell you
How you make me feel
About you funny guy
I am not sure
How you will react
To the volcanoes of emotions
To the thunder storm of feelings
To the flood of hormones
I feel
When I am around you
Funny guy
Do you have a single clue of this?
Slighest idea?
Tell me you do
Tell me you feel the same
Tell me you are as attracted to me as I am
Tell me, I am beautiful
Tell me, you care
I am sorry funny guy
I feel desperate
And it feels like a rebound
And so wrong in my head
To come and express to you
What I feel
As it is, telling someone what I feel is difficult
And in trivial matters as such
I feel I am not capable enough
I don’t feel I deserve you
But I definitely feel for you
And hope to tell you one day
I send in this poem, expressing what I felt.
I got a poem back as a response, stay tuned to read that!
I got to finally blogging every week, maintained a travel book, a monthly planner, an ideation book, read many books, drew few doodles/drawings and wrote poems for Insta posts. In one sentence, this is my entire 2017.
I didn’t write poetry until Jan last year. There was a certain amount of fear I had about poetry especially looking at the way it has all expanded over the internet. It scared me. Like a big canvas.
I realized, when you first start drawing in school you start from a small book and not on a canvas. That’s exactly what I did with my poetry.
I started with whatever images I had and started writing poetry on each. Over the year I gained courage and wrote few poems on various pictures I clicked during my travels and made sure I pushed myself to post it on my Insta profile.
I felt similar fear with doodling too. Doodling on A4 page scared me. When I cut it into four parts I doodled with confidence and results looked good too. Also, I realized I doodle or draw more when I need clarity of thoughts. I observed that after a bit of drawing, doodling I was able to pen down thoughts fluently.
Chaos in my mind is a common thing as I am one of them who over thinks too. So I always keep with me few small white papers and loads of stationary for safety.
Some doodling/drawing from last year which managed to look good
Untill last year I would read one book in like 2-3 months. I would always want to read more but never would end up doing so. I tried to figure out why this was happening. I never read anything on weekends and during big trips. The only time I read sincerely was daily in local trains.
So I tricked myself and kept two books in my bag. I read one while going to work and other on my way back. In a span of a month, I finished both. I have decided to keep this habit going and continue reading more this year around.
One of the biggest achievement last year personally was being able to write my blog every week. And this I would completely credit to the other big change in my life, my first job.
Being at work 5 days of the week made me realize the importance of spending time on something I love to do. The thought of losing the core of my being due to a job terrified me and hence I kept writing every week.
As a reflex reaction to calm my body, I traveled. I have said it before and I say it again, travelling in a way is my therapy, a way I heal myself. And therefore a huge part of me is inclined towards it. I know come what may, I’ll be travelling various places this year around too.
To do it right, to achieve what you want I suggest figure out your body clock. I am a morning person and I end up ideating and being more productive in the morning. Figure this out, it will ease the process of achieving what you want.
Figure out how you function, tap your own habits. Like how I figured when I read the most and when I didn’t. Analyse yourself and try to absorb your natural behaviour into the tasks you wish to do.
At the end of the day, only you can help your boat sail. Making resolutions is merely saying it. I would suggest don’t say, make your boat sail through it, do it and do it right.
I have penned down here how I managed to do it right, I hope it inspires you to have a more productive year. All the best!
My last week of the year was beautiful in Ranthambore, Rajasthan. A post on the travel coming up soon. Until then, my insta (@nishanavgire)
will have pictures from the trip with poems of course!
I am grateful that 2017 has proved to be a year full of beautiful experiences. A year where I managed to have 12 trips-some for a day, some for two and 2-3 trips of more than a week. During each trip I had experiences adding different shades to my personality.
I realized my potential in many ways. The very first trip in January to Korigadh tested my patience. I realized which kind of people I cannot travel with, luckily early in year so I managed to avoid them throughout the year. I understood my physical capability in my next trip in Feb to Alang-Madan-Kulang-the toughest range in Maharashtra. I still can’t believe I actually managed walking from Lonavla to Bhimashankar that is 65+ km in April heat. It was a tough challenge with a beautiful outcome. This year for the first time I went for trek, to Vikatgadh, without even an hour’s sleep. It was unbelievable that my body could dance all night and trek the next day, but wuhoo done that too!
For me the people I travel with are of importance too. And this year during my last Industrial Visit to Sikkim, with my then classmates, now batch-mates it proved to be so. Each of them, made me feel so special for being part of this batch of 2017!
I always wished to meet a celebrity not at some event but while travelling. And guess what, I did. I met Namit Das during my trek to Asherigadh in August this year and managed to have a conversation too. He has trekked a few other places and loves to trek and travel. Yayayay, I felt within, standing and conversing with a celeb about travelling on a trek!
I did my first snow trek during my trip to Manali. I realized how beautiful is the feeling when you give. I became a more giving person, I cared less about receiving. This was the total vibe of the trip because of the way the guides and other helping hands received while trekking high in mountains.
Ladakh was never part of my bucket list, because I like to be realistic and I didn’t think it was possible. But this is now gracious the super power is. Before I googled and added it to my list I had experienced it. Blessed is the word Ladakh taught me, the life people have there is difficult, I’ll leave the rest for you to go and physically experience it. I started respecting my life back in Bombay after this trip.
I am happiest when I am travelling. I don’t know how but my happy place is in the moments of learning during travels. This year, when I chose to go Harishchandragadh over one really important function, I knew it that the travel-bug has settled within.
I will rewind and play the flashback travel’17 a million times and never be bored of it. I hope my travel write ups inspire you to go out there and travel. There are many long vacations in 2018, time you start thinking!
“Maa, I had a bad day, please keep the food and bed ready. Will just eat and sleep”
“Okay beta,”
As I hung up the call I realized how I would call her to get things while returning home from office. How she for all the years of her work life, never had a call back home saying what I just did. As I reached home, I hugged Maa and said “How did you manage work and yet manage us and all the other family drama so smoothly?”
“You have more to see in the world. Come have dinner, it will get cold”
I don’t remember a time I ever felt any joy for food. But she always feels the joy to cook for me in a hope that I’ll eat with the same joy.
This is being hopeful for two decades straight without any positive output! To me this is an epitome of being hopeful in life. How do you manage to have hope in such a hopeless child like me?
My sister posted that she went to Bondi beach in Australia.
This is the kind of humour my mom has always had. This was a dig at my sister but more often than not the jokes are two fold, punching me right in the face and making herself laugh if not anyone else!
I think this is how she gets back at me for not eating. But her jokes have also managed to lighten my mood at times when all I wish to do is nag and cry.
“Mom I need some coffee”
“I am watching Kiran the Knitter’s new video, in 5 mins I’ll give”
The above mentioned youtuber is one of my mom’s favourite. She keeps learning new knitting skills online. Instead from the time she is been introduced to youtube there hasn’t been a day for her without learning something new in areas of her interest like knitting and cooking.
Mom has a root desire to do her bit no matter what. In any situation, under any circumstance she always thinks of the other before her. How? Maa is the kind of person who would get beaten all over and still offer the person some food, yes food because its mom after all!
I have only observed Maa, I am yet to learn how she manages to remain sane amidst the chaos around. I’ll try my best at adapting some poor joke skill as well. I have definitely inherited the learning wheel from her. I am trying to become more selfless. I am hopeful to learn all this and more. And my hopes won’t die, learned that for sure!
This is my last post in the series “Things I learned from…” I hope this and each post gave you some learning too 🙂
My first big college trip to Malvan in Oct 2015 moulded me in many ways. It gave birth to this blog and planted a seed of travelling within. This trip made me revisit my vague childhood trekking memories.
The same year in December my cousin asked me if I wished to go the highest peak in Maharashtra. Kalsubai which is located at an elevation of 1646m is a soothing winter trek. When my cousin added that the travel would be on bike, I agreed to go without realizing what I had got myself into.
The forts in Malvan were sea forts and didn’t have much of climbing. The trek to Daulatabad was a blurry image. This was my first proper trek after ages. My excitement and happiness had no bounds. The night before I packed my back as told, twisted and twirled somehow to sleep. We left early morning but soon my excitement came to a halt.
The tyre of our bike got punctured with a big nail within an hour of the ride. I and my cousin somehow managed to fix it at a garage and reached a bit late to the breakfast stop we were supposed to meet everyone. We ate and began the ride again. I was quiet and praying the rest of the way sitting behind my cousin.
‘Will she do it? Has she trekked before? She will complete it surely?’ These and many other questions were asked to my cousin. He wasn’t sure of the answers either yet he managed to say to his friends
‘Yes, she will do it. You’ll do not worry’
His confidence in me gave me a different boost to do this trek and to do it well. Five of us began climbing. After half hour two of his friends dropped out due to unavoidable reasons. Now, it was just me, my cousin and one of his friends.
I saw the peak and was charged to reach it. The structure of Kalsubai is such that you can see the peak the entire time while climbing but reaching it takes time. It’s almost like it trolls you. You feel you have reached when it says, hell you are near, climb more.
After being trolled at least thrice we finally reached the peak. I felt I had beaten all the odds that held me back. I had not thought if my being around made anything awkward for my cousin, I challenged myself physically and did what my heart said that day. I was celebrating this new found serenity within at the top of Maharashtra.
The climb down was easy physically but difficult in my mind. I didn’t wish to let go the feeling of being with the clouds, the mountain, the chirping birds, and the trees. We ate our tiffin as we got down and in a while began the ride back home.
As the bike began I saw the peak going far and I started to sing ‘Ae sala, abhi abhi hua yakeen, k aag hai mujh mai kahi…’ My cousin joined in as we sang this full song.
In a span of few songs we reached home. From then, bike ride and singing with him is the thing I look for in every trek. I am glad that I took this decision two years back to go on this trek. I let go off the stupid thoughts that held me back and discovered a side of me that I am still exploring.
Life is an adventure to be unraveled each day. Try to explore each shade of you, places and people around. It is an adventure but doesn’t last too long so make the most when you can!
A conversation that inspired and enlightened me at the Tata Literature Live 2015
I saw him walk by as Mumbai’s heat kissed each part of his face and dropped down at the garden of Experimental Theatre, NCPA. His honesty at the previous session dragged me towards him to appreciate it.
‘You are one of the few authors, who carries his heart on his sleeves’
‘oh really, thanks for appreciating’
‘A session by Susan Laidlaw yesterday has made me go back and began again my unfinished novel’
‘Oh! That’s great, I am not that disciplined, a writer, but the secret… is keep going and never stop writing’
‘Can you give me some advice on how to make my book better?’
‘There is actually a formula to make a book-page-turner, I mean if they’d give me a book and pen at the previous session, I would put the formula down’
I grabbed this opportunity and DBC Pierre wrote for me on my notepad, explained to me with examples, now in some shade of Experimental Theatre garden.
Obviously what he wrote in my notepad is my little secret.
Thank You, Susan Laidlaw for taking me back to to my unfinished novel and Thank You DBC Pierrefor being such an inspiration not only as a writer but as a human being. And as promised, I shall complete my book and have a big thank you written for both my inspirations on my first page. Thank You, Tata LieratureLivefor making conversations with such amazing authors possible.
