‘home is a feeling’

One of the most common questions I get asked towards the end of a year is “so how many places you travelled this year?” Whatever the number I answer, small or big, the next question pops up “how do you manage to do so much travel?”

Often, I humbly reply saying there are people travelling more than I do, some even get paid these days. However, the following question puzzles me more “how do you manage to stay away from home for so long?”

There are people who tell me that they are in awe of how I manage time to travel. Some say that you are lucky to have money in hand to travel. I feel blessed to have both at once and be able to explore places a bit.

But, about missing home when away, I don’t feel so, I don’t miss it. I have lived away from home enough to know the value of a home as a place. A shelter to dwell, eat and have a comfortable living. I know the importance of it.

But home is also where I boss around, take care of Maa and the rest. I cherish the joy of being the one who is looking after things. I get to do this with people I am close to on my trips and treks. It feels happy to make people do things for their good, it feels home to do so.

I am a lazy head when it comes to daily mundane tasks of a bath, hair wash etc. On my to-do list, priority is to read and write than to bathe and whatever. And when out, not always we all get to bath, what a relief to a lazy head like me. It totally feels home when this happens.

Home is also where I am made to feel out of place, as my parents and sister have a commerce background and I am a humanities student. A major reason why my sister always manages to prove that I am adopted!

Anyway, the fact that the people I travel with and the people I meet as I travel are all so different than me. I relate to a few, I completely don’t to so many. I feel home when I am among a bunch of people completely different than me, in more than one way.

The idea of a festival in my house is different. We don’t follow any religion too rigorously to follow any festival rituals the same way. And so the idea of celebrating any festival gets down to cooking a special meal and calling people to hog.

A little titter-tatter, good food, some dessert, some singing and grooving at times is what festival at home feels like. More often than not on big trips, there is at least one full night where I do not sleep just talk with people, listen to music and chill. At such nights, it does feel home!

Being a writer, I am a natural observer. For some reason, I observe people and situations more than I observe things and places. I tend to grow more as a person with these observations that I pen down about people and situations after each travel.

I find comfort when I am with certain people, I feel easy, happy, it feels home with them around. I have only Maa at home, apart from her, I am only used to a few faces around at home. I can never feel easy or happy in a crowd.

Perhaps why I run away from the crowd when I travel. Even if it means to run away for a while with the bunch I am travelling with. I do so to feel easy, to feel comfortable, to feel home. This is also the reason why I haven’t been able to connect to more than a few people at once throughout life.

I have only two people I connected with completely from school, junior college, and even senior college. I know many people but a genuine bond of share and care with only two. This year I even found my two trek mates who make me feel home among a bunch of around ten I travel with.

If a home is a feeling of ease and comfort, each of the above people make me feel so. I am my true version to them. They have seen my good, bad, worse, and have managed to sail through. The ease around them is the feeling of ease as if at home.

I can go on and on and it will never end. As talking about home isn’t easy as it isn’t a place. And to speak about a feeling, words always fall less. I love the feeling of home. The feeling I get doing a few things, the feeling I get by being with certain people.

I don’t know what is home for you, but I hope you figure it out. It is always nice to know what makes you feel at ease so as to go and dug into it in times of need.

BRO Quotes

It is like the drive up Nathu La

was listening to music,

while the drive down

understanding the lyrics.

As the ride took little pace

suddenly I saw a picture of my dad

yes, in my driver

it usually happens to me when

I speak to elderly men

The climate outside was getting cooler

As we drived up

But monsoon had began within

As my cheeks felt the showers

Each horrible memory of my childhood

Playing like a movie

It wasn’t Sanam my driver

It was his warm personality

Also he was too handsome to be my dad

Whenever I see a good elderly man

I think what if even a percent of this man my dad would be

So different each day of my childhood would be

 

Then suddenly a BRO Quote appears

“Tough times don’t last, tough people do”

So true I murmured under my breath

Sanam, was kind

He felt the vibe

He shared how he misses his small daughter

But this made my rain showers

Become silent thunder storms

Sanam didn’t know what went wrong

As I was already a bit low

But ‘missing’ the word only

Reminded me of my sister

How I wished to be there

At the airport, to wish her goodbye

To tell her, in one way or another

Intentionally or no

She did shape me into the person

I have turned out to be

but I am an awkward human

I know I wouldn’t have said so

If I was there, would have

Helped her and may be hugged her

And her behaviour would as ususal

Make me wish to stab her

Again a BRO Quote I read

“BRO it is never too late”

I wonder if it was to

Tell my sister what she means to me

Or to stab her

Smiling slightly I got down near a lake

Me and Sanam caught hands, had a quite walk

Without a single word

Just absorbing the beauty of the place

Silently, admist the touristy chaos

Just before I entered the jeep again

I saw a mother trying to save her small kid

From the cold, she held him inside her own jacket

I tried to see her till the last moment

The climate changed outside

As the clouds started covering the roads

So did the stormy clouds cover my heart

And heavy rains made my only tutle neck sweater wet

First time in the ride my crying made a sound

However I am too good making it feel

Like a cough & nose cleaning sound

How could I let her be alone

In a moment I knew she would need me the most

Dad is never there when needed

Grandma had left us abrubtly

Neha had to leave

How could I have been so selfish

And come for this IV?

 

 

 

I read a BRO Quote again

“BRO look on the bright side”

For the first time ever

I smiled in the middle of tears

Yes I thought

Wasn’t it all worth it

To be here, in the middle of clouds

And with these people #onelasttime

Meeting so many people

Formally and on the roads

I had consoled myself

As we almost reached Gangtok

When again a BRO Quote appeared

“BRO you live only once”

As if summing up my entire

Emotional Turmoil in the drive down

 

Sanam and BRO Quotes became my new BROs

I am not sure of meeting these BROs again

But they have given me a lesson

I will rewind again and again

 

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