A week with Maa

“I am so happy you are home,” Mom smiled.

“Yeah, me too”

“No seriously, I haven’t felt so happy in a while,” Mom embraced me.

After this, I did a happy dance in my head. And dug a hole where I buried all my worries of work, my guilt of not doing anything at all for five days and danced again!

My work got the best out of me. On the desk I gave the best and as a person I grew on a different level, doing things I wished to do for years like weekly blogging, monthly trekking etc.

But having said and done the above, I didn’t relax at all. For the past eight months, I have been working, trekking or writing my blog. I had not given a day to just do nothing and be with Maa. But these five days at home I did that.

I watched TV with Maa, cooked with her, cleaned the house, talked, ate and slept. I did nothing else. By the end of these five days there was so much refreshed energy in me. And along the week there was a moment which made me realize a few things.

This moment occurred when we were watching FRIENDS on TV. I and Maa are enjoying it when I ask mom her favourite character on the show.

“I love Phoebe and Joey. Both are easy going, different and fun. They always seem to be living life at their own terms in a little world of their own.”

We talked about the show, the characters, and episode, ate lunch and decided to have a nap. My mind couldn’t be at rest, it was trying to make sense why Mom related to the characters she did. Only to realize that she never lived a life on her own terms and almost sixty years of her existence she had only lived for others.

She always wished to be home with me and my sister but she had to work. When finally she retired and wished to spend time with us, my sister had left for higher studies, and I had got a job to be busy with. I perhaps longed for this week at home with her only to relax but Maa wished to live this week, this way, forever.

This realization made think of ways, to make the most of the time with her. I talked to her about her childhood, made tea for her, watched all her stupid serials and tried to keep the house clean. I felt happy doing all this and felt silly to have not done so before.

Maa never asked me for this week because she knew the importance of my work. I didn’t think of spending a week this way because I suck at understanding people and situations. But I feel blessed that this happened and that I did have a week of nothingness but just me and Maa.

I think it is clear what I wish you do after reading this or if nothing else, please think. Think about the two people because of whom you exist. Remember as you grow, they age. They might expect, they won’t express, but you should gift them the most important thing, time.

April 15, 2018

A Tantalizing Trek Tale

I love bike rides. It has a different charm. I and my usual bike partner cousin were on a roll as we sang through the whole drive. From Sukhvinder’s “Oh ho oh ho” to “O mere dil k chein” our playlist had a smooth ride with our bullet.

We finally parked our bikes at 4am and were given an hour before we left for the trek. Almost all as expected dozed off. I looked at my friend and in a blink we knew what we were up to next.

We both did our own bit of research and found the best place to lie down and star gaze. The view was mesmerizing. It was last in October that we star gazed. We both have less understanding of the stars but same awe for their existence.

Eyes up at the sky, mind drowned in thoughts, without realizing I went into the world of stars. What a beautiful nap and dream it was !

It was dark, we all had torches and a few were ahead leading the way. As we walked a bit ahead we spotted a Night Jar. It looked stunning. A musical night bike ride, soulful star gazing with a nap and then the Night Jar, this trek surely had the best start!

The kind of trekking I have done and the average experience of the group I go with is quite good. We use harness and equipment only when it is really essential. Bhairavgadh (Maroshi) is one where we decided we will use it and hence a suggestion to anyone who is reading this and would wish to go, kindly take all safety measurements.

There were two people ahead who climbed the harness part. When I reached I couldn’t find them. I thought they must have gone ahead so I climbed all the steps and reached the top. I shouted their names but no avail. I was scared for minute.

People down said they have come up. There is no other way than these stairs, where have they gone then? I didn’t wish to go right at the top of the fort all alone so I climbed back down.

I saw that my group still hadn’t got all members up the harness. I decided to walk up again and find my two mates. I climbed up the stairs again, shouted their names but couldn’t locate them. More scared than before I climbed down again to get someone with me to find them.

I and a friend climbed up again and finally met the two. We saw the top most part of the fort and four of us began our journey down. As we did our entire group was up by the harness. We four were asked to climb up again for a group picture at the top of the fort. We hesitated a bit and then finally gave in.

This is my first ever trek saga where I got bored of a fort. Not because it was boring, because I climbed it a total of four times. However, the time spend at the top of the fort was worth it. And no don’t get me wrong, the fort is not at all boring. It is full of adventure and the scenic view is class but just make sure you climb up only once!

When I was waiting for my turn to rappel it down, the sun was right above my head and I was sweating like a pig. I had bought all my sun protection things, caps, glares, scarfs etc. It all lay in my bag down which I could reach only after rappelling. And there were a few people who were yet to go down before it were my chance.

Melting in the heat I realized that how we all have the necessary resources to face a storm in life. But it is locked up in the depths of our hearts and by the time we find it we have lost it to the storm. Let us therefore always be prepared for a storm and never let it win over us.

For me personally climbing up a mountain is easy as compared to walking down. This is because when I am climbing up, it is all up to me where I set my feet to head up. When I have to get down, it is not so easy. And this becomes a tad more difficult when I have to rappel it down.

The first step is the most difficult. And during rappelling especially for the first step my feet felt heavier than an elephant! I let go of this stupid feet thoughts and imagining why my feet is feeling heavy and rappelled down. And to my own surprise I did well.

Almost all of us were exhausted and so were our water resources. To our surprise an old man appeared out of nowhere guided us to a water body and disappeared again. Lord works in his own way and this old man proved that to me.

We all drank water to our hearts’ content and filled bottles before we left. We had lunch in the middle of the jungle and started to walk down. I wished to reach our bikes before the heat killed me and walked down as swiftly as I could.

I and two of my friends reached down without taking many water or shade stops and hence reached a good 45mins before the rest. This made me regain the lost energy. I was happy with the whole trek and didn’t expect much more but life is about surprises. And a kala-khatta gola in the crazy heat ended my thrilling trek on a high note!

March 31, 2018

My First Mistake

My first mistake is about this one person I loved, my first love. After five years, my first mistake. Five years is the maximum time I have ever taken to realize that something I did was a mistake. It has taken me a year now to admit it finally that indeed my first love was my first mistake.

‘I let go of the relationship because I wasn’t able to make music. I wasn’t able to do something I am passionate about though I gave in a lot of efforts.’ A friend said when I asked about his past relationship.

He later adds that how he has learned to make better decisions about relationships. He believes that if being in a relationship somehow mentally stops you from doing what you love then there is something wrong.

I couldn’t have agreed more. Today a lot of people know me as a person who writes and who loves to travel. I wasn’t able to do this when I was in a relationship. Two years back when I first went with my cousin on a trek was my first step out of the relationship. This year when I challenged myself to write poems over prose is when I completely got myself out of the mistake.

IMG_20161229_160428205 - Copy — Your body knows when it is comfortable with someone or no, listen to it.

‘I learned how to express. I learned how to tell someone what I felt even if it meant to hurt them. I hurt him a lot, but I had to say what I felt, if I didn’t it would be worse.’ A friend expressed when asked about her learning from a relationship.

This is something I didn’t do. I never spoke what I felt in the relationship. I am as a person expressive mostly when I am happy. I can’t express anything when I am low. I ignored things that hurt me and blasted happiness on the ones that made me feel good. If you are reading this, please do not do this. Express everything you feel good or bad.

My first love was a mistake because I took the decision to be with someone too early. I was very young and I just let myself let go in it. I kept feeling something was wrong but only figured what was wrong too late.

A relationship can work only if you feel right about it. I always felt it was a mistake and it turned out to be one. But I am glad I have admitted it to myself that it was a mistake and figured out what exactly was wrong. I am glad that I have learned something and grown as a person. I only hope to not repeat the mistake and find someone right when it’s the right time.

September 23, 2017

5Ws and 1H of Self-Growth

Who?

The answer is you, one needs to have the will to change and become a better person. Here in the context of being a stronger person emotionally, the zeal to be stronger. You should feel that yes, I have to be stronger than this; I can’t feel sad or broken every other day. I have to know how to deal life without certain people I want in it, and with certain people I do not want in it. If there is such a will to be stronger, look forward to the next step.

What?

It is basically how one can take charge of situations that are emotionally challenging and come out victorious in it. One needs to give self sometime, time to the situation, to take emotional charge of it. So, if one is sure of having a growth emotionally, then should be ready to have ‘self-time’ or ‘me-time’ regularly. If that is asking of too much, do not go the next steps.

When?

For a better understanding of situations, this self-time should be given daily. Doing anything that you like, doing it alone, this makes a difference to the mind and how it functions, and therefore should be done on regular mostly daily basis.

Where?

Where ever on earth but has to be alone, this different from being lonely. Making and drinking a coffee, going for a walk etc. It can be anything, but has to make you feel peaceful and talk to your inner-self.

Why?

Sometime into this process of self-growth and giving ‘me-time’ on a daily or regular basis the question ‘why’ is not surprising. This process of self-growth helps to be a better person than one was, also helps increase ‘emotional quotient’ which is now a days a big thing than ‘intelligent quotient’.

How?

One needs to grow from within more than physically, this can happen only when sometime is given to understand one’s faults and weakness and build on it. A regular check of your self-growth can do wonders to become a better person. The only purpose to focus on self-growth is to be better and stronger emotional person than one was before.

Try to give yourself time on a regular basis and observe the positive changes. Do let me know if you try and what worked for you.

April 13, 2016