How did the year start? Where was I physically? Mentally? I am so into this phase of life that I just can’t go back in time to the start and find what I was up to, what was I doing. Thanks yet again to my journal entries, I did figure my full year’s journey.
The first fifteen days of Jan are a blur. Post that, I got a job and the rest of the days till date are also a blur. Basically, I floated through this year. I am not sure how I stuck through documenting it all in my journal but I am glad I did.
So, that’s the first sphere of growth this year – journaling. I have always had diaries. But, never did use venting emotions on paper as a benefit to me. This year, I used Youtube for the right reasons and productive journaling.
One thing which hasn’t improved much is my expressing skills apart from the written word. I haven’t spoken up when I should have. I have spoken shit when I shouldn’t have. I think this habit is getting better and better and I have faced much more humiliation this year for it. I don’t even have a plan on how to improve this, hoping for magic for once!
I have for sure improved a little in communicating with my friends. I found the trick to maintain my bond with people. In this modern-day chatting, calls are all that works for me. I have found my ‘Ek call pe sidhe-sidhe ane wale dost’ (if you don’t get this reference, you need to know me better)
This improvement could only happen thanks to the patience my friends have had. I have tried to make sure and meet my hearty ones. I have made sure to call a few, and the common WhatsApp has also worked in some cases to maintain precious bonds in my life. It can get better, I know I have missed out on a few people, but I’ll get there soon.
The biggest change from mid-2018 and this complete year has been sudden entrance and re-entrance of special people in my life. Not speaking many details of it here, just penning it here to say that these people have helped me be vulnerable, accept myself better, eat better and work towards my overall growth positively.
I am convinced that my blog quality didn’t improve this year. It went down or is stagnant I don’t know. But, I am not happy with my craft. I have been cranky and out of place because my words didn’t please me enough. I am planning to invest more time and finance in my blog next year, and hopefully will be proud of my weeklies next year.
‘You are done what two years in this organization?’
No, I’ll finish my first in Jan.
‘Oh it feels like you will enter your third or fourth’
This was said by my boss in a very astonishing tone. She didn’t believe me until I gave more details that I finish only a year. For me, this was shocking. This lady, as much as inspiring is also a tough one to be under. Appreciation is difficult to come out of her. This for me was like a milestone. More like a stepping stone already braced for going madder next year!
However, my workaholic nature made my travel self. I developed travel anxiousness. I have cried and worked in the office when my head was surely in the mountains. The first-year adulting, I screwed up. Mid-way through the year, I think I managed to get up and have a balance. Hopefully, I satisfy both sides of me.
Have I grown in terms of my family equations? Umm, tough one, I think yes, I am at a better space than before with all family members. Maybe not the go-to person for any member for anything, but at least I have begun to exist in their lives unlike being off completely.
I have grown mentally stronger this year, though I broke down completely more than once, I know I am past that now. Whatever next year will be, it will be tough to become better growth-wise year as 2019 nailed it with all the madness and sailing through it all positively.
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