Imagine you are watching a peaceful sunset at the top of a mountain and suddenly you slip, fall and almost die. Or worse, you are relishing a perfectly home-made biryani and you bite an elaichi? Feels dead right? Exactly how this week started for me.
My first non-trek weekend of the year was good. I met Felicia, won a medal after ages and slept well. I couldn’t have asked more as my leave for Saturday to trek also got sanctioned. Yes, until here is where I was rejoicing my sunset, rejoicing my biryani and then it all fell apart.
I am a difficult person to surprise, as I have weeks jammed with work, weekends jammed with treks and other blogging commitments. It is tough to catch me off guard or make me break this chain I follow. No one loves Monday, but this third Monday of the year is clearly the worst so far.
It made me realize that I am still a weak person. It gave me an opportunity to be strong, but I failed. I had the opportunity to make a rational decision by myself, but instead, I broke down to nuisance and became my emotional fool self. Last year, I was the same, this year perhaps I am way worse.
I was about to make a decision that would hurt my most loved human. I cancelled my weekend’s trek for her. I can’t fathom what I love more anymore! One has given me life the other has given me the hope to live it. Yes, love for life-giver is far more, but it isn’t any less for the one I walk my life with.
The pain is real. This weekend is going to suck. I will be home unhappy about missing a trek. If I go, I’ll be unhappy on the mountain ditching my life-giver. I hate how my brain overthinks such simple situations to a limit where I can’t take it in. I just can’t.
I am not ready for this. I am not. I don’t know how I will get ready for it either. It is almost as if I wish to skip this weekend. I don’t want any of it. Neither this, not that, run away. But hey, escapists are losers aren’t they?
So I’ll be home facing the little drama of my life this weekend. How much ever running away feels easy, feels right, it isn’t. I’ll stay back, face it all with grace. I am sort of away until the weekend for work in Beed, but I think that was the super power’s plan. Keeping me away till the sun is ready to set.