What am I doing now? What should I be doing next? Is life at the moment making sense? Why do I feel so lost every other day? Is adulting supposed to be this chaotic?
That’s just first few lines of my journal entry a day ago. Anxiety attacks or existential crisis, I don’t know, but this kind of entry keeps repeating in my journal. But, yesterday on my way to work I realized I am not alone.
Many people my age, who either have achieved something they wished or have not or are in the process – all of them feel this same kind of chaos. By my age, I mean like a few years after graduation. Each day I travel and meet many ships trying to sail this journey.
For college or for work, it’s been more than seven years I am travelling by Mumbai Local train. Almost every other day, I see individuals struggling to stay alive as they travel to their workplaces and back.
I overheard a conversation of two ladies, hanging from a train, complaining about work, bosses, work culture and much more. They really sounded frustrated, like they could actually pull someone out of the train in that anger. Yet, they were hanging in there and doing their best to be in time to work.
As I wondered why I noticed another girl my age, she is the one I usually speak to every morning. She looked overtly joyful than usual. I enquired and figured she was happy because her husband and in-laws were going to be away for a day and she would be living one peaceful day after ages.
What kind of life must be to feel peaceful when left alone? I have often heard from her about her idiotic in-laws and other crappy family members and how yet she cooks for them and speaks to them with a smile.
I tried to fathom, what keeps these women going? Doing such difficult tasks every day? Be it hanging off a train or dealing with strange family members, what is it that still keeps them motivated?
Though the ladies hanging off the train complained of work lives, while still hanging, laughed and chatted joyfully about family. They shared cute stories about their children and newer parenting skills they are trying to imbibe.
My friend who rants of her in-laws almost every other day shyly says how its all worth it for the man in her life. Though the marriage is arranged, she gushes about the love that exists that keeps her going.
I stood there looking at these three ladies and smiled. It felt like witnessing the power of love in one frame. Is it not love that helps them deal with everything they are put into? Isn’t the pure love for their beloved family members that helps them deal and conquer with difficult battles each day?
Trying to calm myself, I wrote in my journal that day- it is okay. Life does not exist to be simple. Its core character is to be chaotic. As far as you have found love that will keep you going, you are fine.
Have I found the love that will keep me going? Oh yes! More about the love that keeps me going in future posts…
For now, think about what is it that keeps you going despite everything life puts you into…
if you have an answer write to me on Insta @nisha_navgire