Love’s truest form, walking with you, no expectations.
We’ve all heard countless love stories. But love is far greater than the stories we’re told. Today, I want to share what true love really means to me.
I’ve experienced true love twice in people in the way people expect one to. But the purest one wasn’t in something I only found in another person.
I discovered love for myself after living alone for more than two years. In that solitude, I learned to appreciate my own company, my own strength, my own growth. I feel love for my close-knit circle, the people who stand by me, and also for the community that challenges me and helps me become better.
But the purest love I’ve ever felt? It’s been in the mountains. It’s the mountain dogs, those selfless, gentle souls who show me love at its rawest. They don’t care where you’ve been or who you are. They don’t weigh what you can give back. They just fall in step beside you. Through brutal weather, up the toughest trails, they stick around. It hits me every time: true love is just being there.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s celebrate love with our loved ones. But let’s also remember the love we build within ourselves. The love we share with the people around us. And the love we choose to step into steady, selfless, and pure, like a mountain dog. Love isn’t just about romance. It’s about how we show up, for ourselves and for others.
Recently, I learned to solve the Rubik’s cube. The process of learning to solve the cube made me imbibe many other things. While I was penning all the knowledge I gained, I realized something. The process of solving the cube taught me similar things that a year of working at the NGO Toybank taught me.
Patience
The key to being a person who knows how to solve the cube is patience. There is a certain procedure that needs to be followed to solve the cube just like learning a new musical instrument or a new language. If you are low on patience and also at accepting failures, the cube is not the thing for you. However, the cube is the best way to accept failures and be a better patient person.
I joined Toybank in Jan’19. If I look back at the year that has passed, I can say that I have definitely grown to be more patient as a person. Patient towards my own slow learning process, patient and more kind towards self in order to spread the kindness to the people I work with. Dealing with dozens of difficult people added to my patience pool.
Confidence
The confidence boost that one gets after doing something that tests their patience is another level. I took the cube in my hand and dragged my brain completely into it for days until I cracked it completely. When I finally learned how it is done, I had reassurance in me that I can do something and that my brain cells haven’t given up yet. It is a content feeling.
At Toybank, learning to be confident wasn’t easy. I am not a person who trusts herself easily anyways. Having said that, the people I had to deal with externally kept breaking my confidence. Some few team members of Toybank internally proved to angels for me and helped me build my confidence. I am glad I came across these people and imbibed a bit of trust in myself, faced varied situations and came gloriously out of it.
Perseverance
I have never been among the ones that give up easily. But, the first two days I spent with the cube, I kind of wished to give up. It was tough to keep going. I am very harsh on myself and that’s only why I didn’t let the cube go unsolved. I don’t know what I would do to myself if I didn’t learn the cube quickly enough.
I know that’s not exactly perseverance. But, that’s my version of the same, where I don’t give up on something until I crack it. This attitude helped me through a year of working in Toybank. If I were a person who gave up quickly, I would have resigned from this place in the first week only. But, no quitter ever achieved anything big!
Chaos is Okay
While solving the cube layer by layer, there are high chances that something gets disturbed while solving another. But this chaos is fine. It is how the process is. Keep following the steps. Focus on the step you are at and at the end it adds up to the ultimate goal.
Toybank is a small organization and is on the verge of expansion and growth. Of course that means constant changes to become bigger and better. It wouldn’t be wrong if I say that I have never completed anything I took in hand the same way it was initially decided to be done. Such an environment has only made me more open as a person, positive and adaptive towards all kinds of changes.
Of course, there are more things I learned from the cube and at Toybank both! I tried but I just couldn’t pen it all down. But, I hope the above inspires you to pick up the cube. Do write to me what all you pick from it @nisha_navgire
Who am I? An Introvert? An Ambivert? After a lot of thought I figured I am just a difficult person, who has many insecurities and so finds it difficult to socialize and stay in touch with people. And yet, I haven’t been kicked out of this group for over four years now.
‘Pantar Log’ is what has stuck as our group name. I am fortunate to have come across each of these ‘pantars’. They have added immensely to my being. Here’s a glimpse.
Shantanu
I recall the first year college days when like everyone even I was trying to fit in, look cool. Using cuss words for no reason is one of the lamest way to look cool. Oh my, and I even tried to.
While the f word is the most common, I uttered bastard to someone quite smoothly. And then after a while, Shantanu pops up and asks me ‘do you even know what bastard means?’
I sunk in a pool of thought and wondered what I was doing to fit in. From then on each word I ever uttered got refined before being used. Even each word I write is looked back at to see its worth.
I owe it Shaan to have popped that question to me so early in my college life. It definitely made a huge difference in the way I behaved and behave today, the words I used in college and do today. Such a simple question but a big learning of making each thing uttered count.
Christine
What are you doing Christine?
Working on this art piece…
Reading for this write up…
Listening to this new thing…
That is Christine for me in a nutshell. Always a surprise, constantly on something. Even when she is chilling with us or other friends, she is the one who will begin some interesting conversation of something nobody in the group will have a clue of.
I get bored of one thing too soon. But I envy how this girl loves to know things well in depth. She is only human and has her lazy days but whenever she has worked on something, I have adored it.
Joanne
My bond with Joanne has been very weird. I have bonded with others from the first year. But, with Jo I think we were two similar in few ways and hence repelled. We both have our set of insecurities and it was tough to break the ice between us.
But, in third year, we both took the same specialization and the pressure of last year in college helped to melt the ice. We looked out for each other with notes, on the Industrial Visit etc and in time I felt foolish to have not attempted to know her more all these years.
Nonetheless, Joanne has taught me that nothing is permanent. If you put enough efforts into people you can shape the bond you have with them. With time, I and Jo are now able to be there for each other when in need. Life just feels better to know I have a friend which perhaps I would have lost to my stupid insecurities.
Vanisht Iyyer
If there is one person who I will award to have successfully for years being able to carry his heart on his sleeves, it has to be Iyyer. He wasn’t from our college and I haven’t met him enough times, but this boy has always managed to surprise me.
There is no dull moment with him around. Some people do not like people like him who say so much truth on the face, but I love it. If I can be even little expressive as he is about anything and everything he feels, I would feel better.
He doesn’t share what is deep within him, but his views on whatever is happening is always out there to know. I haven’t been lucky enough to see his emotional side but hopefully someday I’ll. Whatever little I know of him, I have things to learn and imbibe.
Jenny
Amongst us eleven, we all have a few people we are closer to than the rest as we are all humans and we have our favourites. But this has never come in way whenever it comes to helping someone in our group for something.
I said the above because, I never got denied by any of these pantars for any help. I didn’t either, but Jenny is another level. I have being helped by her when she could have easily chosen not to. Why so kind Jenny? Will I ever be able to be that kind and selfless, ever?
Vanessa
My existence in this group can be traced back to when Vanessa added me to the group. I obviously owe it to her but there is much more than that.
I remember, I had a family emergency and I called her saying I can’t make it for the project work. She could have asked me questions, perhaps yelled but she just sensed my tone and said okay.
Next day I met her, told her whatever happened and thanked her for understanding. She is otherwise the clown who makes everyone else also go quirky and laugh but the loving soul within is pure gold.
Aashish
Apart from Vanessa someone who is blessed to tolerate my audio notes of fuckall singing is Aashish. What would why I do if you hadn’t heard my audio notes. I suck at singing is a difficult truth which these both helped me accept. But moreover, Aashish helped me accept myself. It is okay to suck at something. It is okay to not know everything, and that we all have some or the other insecurities.
This boy says it bleeds his ears to listen to me sing and that it will affect his music career and what not. But, has still always opened each of my audio notes & recently wrote to me that he has it all treasured.
For a year I sent and still do to a few, audio notes on birthdays. I sing some song I relate to them as a birthday wish and explain why I chose a particular song. This wouldn’t have been possible without the random audio notes to Aashish.
Lynston
Common thing that people say about friends is that they change. But, there is one bond I share that has not changed, just grown. It is with Lynston. He is the sarcastic fellow of the group, who can take your case and make you smile about it too.
But nothing has changed between us since the time we know each other. We have been there in need for each other no matter what. He is a person of less words and I too do not share too often nor too easily. We do not know each other’s deepest secrets but that doesn’t ever come in way when we wish to help each other.
The two people who I am crazily attached to among the pantars are Felicia and Omkar. I have learned to understand the importance of self-love and self care with these two. If I am ever low on confidence or otherwise, they are my go to source of some love and care. I would be complete retard full of doubts if I had never known these two. There is more I learned from them, have a read here.
From day one of knowing all Pantars to the bond I share with each of them today, many things have happened. Our college festivals, other college festivals, general festivity, learning under various kinds of teachers, IV madness and so much more.
We lived through it all and only grown as people and as a group. I am sure we will embrace the big change happening soon with love and grace. I am blessed to have them, and hopefully write another post on them a decade later. Cheers to that!
“Maa, I had a bad day, please keep the food and bed ready. Will just eat and sleep”
“Okay beta,”
As I hung up the call I realized how I would call her to get things while returning home from office. How she for all the years of her work life, never had a call back home saying what I just did. As I reached home, I hugged Maa and said “How did you manage work and yet manage us and all the other family drama so smoothly?”
“You have more to see in the world. Come have dinner, it will get cold”
I don’t remember a time I ever felt any joy for food. But she always feels the joy to cook for me in a hope that I’ll eat with the same joy.
This is being hopeful for two decades straight without any positive output! To me this is an epitome of being hopeful in life. How do you manage to have hope in such a hopeless child like me?
My sister posted that she went to Bondi beach in Australia.
This is the kind of humour my mom has always had. This was a dig at my sister but more often than not the jokes are two fold, punching me right in the face and making herself laugh if not anyone else!
I think this is how she gets back at me for not eating. But her jokes have also managed to lighten my mood at times when all I wish to do is nag and cry.
“Mom I need some coffee”
“I am watching Kiran the Knitter’s new video, in 5 mins I’ll give”
The above mentioned youtuber is one of my mom’s favourite. She keeps learning new knitting skills online. Instead from the time she is been introduced to youtube there hasn’t been a day for her without learning something new in areas of her interest like knitting and cooking.
Mom has a root desire to do her bit no matter what. In any situation, under any circumstance she always thinks of the other before her. How? Maa is the kind of person who would get beaten all over and still offer the person some food, yes food because its mom after all!
I have only observed Maa, I am yet to learn how she manages to remain sane amidst the chaos around. I’ll try my best at adapting some poor joke skill as well. I have definitely inherited the learning wheel from her. I am trying to become more selfless. I am hopeful to learn all this and more. And my hopes won’t die, learned that for sure!
This is my last post in the series “Things I learned from…” I hope this and each post gave you some learning too 🙂
If I ask my mind to do a work, which I am expected to do, like for example writing for my job, I am confident and I’ll do it. I might even redo it if required. But, if I ask myself to express something I feel for someone, my mind says ‘fuck off you aren’t doing that shit’.
I, for some reason have this weird self-doubting and self-confidence issue which pops up only when I have to do some personal expression kind of task, for example expressing feelings to my crush, telling someone I care for them etc. But this is changing.
From the time I have known Felicia, she has always been confident of the way she is. I have never seen her doubt herself for the way she looks. Omkar always calls himself ‘best’ no matter what the situation, occasion, photo anything. It sometimes gets annoying but it is the best way to instil some self-confidence. Whenever I have been in situations need of confidence, I have told myself you are best and it has worked!
Since I started loving the way I am a bit more and accepting myself, I got some courage to express what I feel too. I realized when there is certain amount of self-love and care it helps to convey the love and care for others.
Long distance within Mumbai is a reality. It isn’t feasible to travel one end to another to meet your buds every week. I have, since the time college is done met these two once a month. It sucks, but hey this has made me realize that being there for someone doesn’t mean practically seeing each other every time, it means being available when in need. And I am glad that in spite of the distance we have managed to be there for each other no matter what!
Felicia and Omkar are both good in more than one thing- photography/filming being common in both. Felcia has dancing skills while Omkar knows the tabla is two skills among some more both of them can do. The way both have put in efforts to nurture these skills and always have the learning wheel going is enough motivation for me to keep doing things I love!
Felica has a special skill when it comes to analysing and dealing with people. She is my go-to person when I have a problem dealing with someone. I don’t know how, she just sorts it for me of how I can deal the person. Omkar on the other hand has a calm head which is best to understand how to deal a troublesome situation. He breaks it down and makes it easier to deal with. I am trying my best to learn these two very important skills from both my gems!
The best common thing both have is kindness. They both believe to be human first over everything. It can be a dog, a person in train, a stranger or anyone. I think this quality is common among three of us.
You too might have that one friend or two or if lucky more friends who have made you realize and learn some important things. Yes, friends are to have fun, but there is so much more to friendship than that! Come, its time you think and appreciate friends for the good they have done to you as a person and when you do so, let me know too!
When you live in Mumbai suburbs, conversations about the local train is bound to happen. This post is about what I learned from my five year mumbai local travel.
Years back I met an old man at Dadar station waiting for a train, he asked me a question which I couldn’t answer, “How many years do you wish to live?” It was random, I was standing beside him, both of us awaiting the train when he turns to me and asks the question. I look at him bewildered. The train arrives, he smiles and walk towards it. He perhaps asked me so looking at my weak health or me being on phone the full 10 mins we stood beside each other, I am not sure.
I am used to eating in train. A year ago when I was eating breakfast, I had a bit and was keeping my tiffin, when an aunty beside me who was dug in her phone all this while turned to me and said “finish it” I looked at her, smiled and offered her “you finish it” came her reply. I finished my breakfast for the first time in a while, that day.
Both these incidents were random but spoke volumes to me and hence close to my heart. Though, everything about the local train is not a feel good experience. There is a clasist feel present where in everybody in first class coach judge people by clothes and looks and fight if they feel that a person belongs to second class coach.
The Mumbai Local did teach me balance, practically balancing on one foot and in life too. Giving an elderly person seat, providing a helping hand to a stranger, helping someone with basic needs like water, helping a pregnant lady etc, these small acts of humanity occur in the same space where as I said above people don’t behave properly to people of lower work status or who seem too different than us. There has been a balance of good and bad experiences on the train.
One important thing that Mumbai Local has made me understand is how different men and women are. The way men manage the seats in the train and the way women do it is so strikingly different. Men do not claim seats; they stand and after a while of travelling say half hour, men standing sit. Women claim seats and sit accordingly. I have no clue why both do it so differently but thanks to this I know, men and women think different. People who wish to study gender, kindly note and help me find answer to this.
Something that saddens me though about local train is the behavior of the educated illiterates. Why I call them so? Who are they? The ones who are educated, might have jobs too and still get up from seat to throw trash out of the train door, or out of the train window. Any of you guilty ones reading this, please stop doing it. Anyone know who does this, make them stop, please!
The more I think about my mumbai local journeys, the more I feel blessed of being a Mumbaikar who travels. In a jam packed local train the one hanging at the door envies the one who is a step inside, the one inside envies the one standing comfortably inside, the one standing inside envies the one sitting comfortably and the person sitting wonders how they’ll manage to get down. Isn’t this how we feel about life? Don’t you have that one person you feel whose life is better than yours? We as humans always feel that the other is in a better shape than us, when the truth is, we are at the same game of life, dealing it in our ways and its upon us to make the most of what we have.
Local train journeys have taught me enjoying and respecting the journeys more than destinations. We all wish to reach somewhere, become something, but it’s the journeys that make us what we are.
If you are reading this, I hope you stop, smile and pat yourself for the journey you have lived so far. As John Lennon said it, life is happening to us when we are planning everything else.
This year, I am thankful that I traveled. I still can’t believe how beautiful the year has been travel wise. There are few people I came across as I traveled from whom I learned, and had lessons to cherish forever. These people have made my travel diary smile brighter!
About two days after my birthday I was with 5 friends on a trail from Lonavla to Bhimashankar. We lost our way and asked for help. A man we met said 600/person charges to show us the way. We walked off and found ourselves lost again. Tired after our efforts, drenched in sweat we sat under a tree when we saw an old man come our way. We asked him for help to which he quickly said
I’ll just inform my family, if you can wait, then I’ll come show you the way
This old man helped us through the rest of the trail. Showed us where we could drink water, where we could rest. He cared for us without expecting anything in return. When we reached Bhimashankar, we gave him whatever we could, for him and his family.
On my second visit to Sikkim, I came across many interesting people. One of them who had a major impact on me was Prashant Rasaily, a film maker we had a session with as a part of our last industrial visit. This film maker in a couple of hours spoke things that made my mind go crazy.
‘‘World has many successful people, not happy people, so grow to be happy people’’
He made me think of life in terms of how much happy I am, with just his words he made me think of my 20 years. How much of it have I made it worth? Have I really lived happy enough?
His session with us was supposed to be about his upcoming movie, about cinema in Sikkim etc. He did speak about all that but he wished the session to be much more than that. He urged us all to become happy people. He motivated us to think in terms of making a mark and helping the society than just doing what we wish to.
The trip to Ladakh was beautiful and it was our last lunch before we left. I was almost done eating when I saw a monk enter. I smiled at him and he smiled back. I went up to him to have a conversation.
I asked him his name, he replied. I asked him what he does, he looked puzzled and then smiled, I am a monk. I asked again, what do you do? He said, I do many things, overall I try to find meaning to my life. Wow. I thought, how do I find meaning to my life without becoming a monk?
We further talked about his life. A tradition that his family follows is to give away one son from the family to monastery. His younger brother wished to be a doctor and so it was upon him to become a monk. He wished to be a writer, he read a few poems he had written in his language and explained me the meaning in English. I asked him, what will you do with this writing talent? How are you going to nourish it?
He smiled and said, I am trying to find meaning to my life, writing is only a medium.
The old man I met made me realize that I should always try to help someone in need, selflessly. And that its always in my hands to be good and helpful to someone or make profit out of someone’s misery.
The film maker made me question how I am living my life, it was like a mirror. To be a happy human is my goal than a successful one, thanks to him!
The monk I had a word with in a simple conversation made me realize that how lightly I am taking my love of writing and that I should put in more efforts. I am thankful to have come across them as learning from each is making me and travel diary smile brighter!
I have begun this series “Things I learned from…” because I believe that people make me happy, learning from people constantly is what I wish to do to stay happy always. Who better to begin with than The Crazy Old Man!
To pen down things learned from him might end up becoming my first book so I have put it out in this post in a nutshell. And, I am sure it won’t end here, there is more I’ll learn from him over the years we both shall live.
‘What will the world lose if you die today?’ is what being the head of the BMM department then, he wrote on the board on his first lecture with us in First year class. From that day to this, I strive to answer this question daily. It reminds me to make myself worthy of the things I wish to achieve.
Months after knowing him he took us to our first Industrial Visit. That visit and the experience of the travel with him lead to the birth of this blog. From then I have tried my best to keep writing, blogging and expressing through words. Today I can think of investing money in my blog to promote it. From an under-confident writer hesitating to have her first blog to this day- wouldn’t be possible without that little push!
I had a thing for traveling; he watered this seed in me. Today I know that I am a river person, that travelling is my way of healing. Travelling can mean anything to anyone but thanks to him I know what it means to me.
‘Read, there is no escape.’ As much as I wished to write and travel, there was zero enthusiasm to read. But he made me realize that to be the writer I wish to be, reading is essential. I still don’t read enough but I’m surely working on it!
Be it during the IVs, the nature club camps or any other situation, he has always put others before himself. I wonder how he does that. This is something I’m trying to practice in reality still.
I have never seen an introvert manage so many people at once with ease be it a varied crowd of 40 people at nature club camps or 70-80 young students of a class. How? I am yet to figure this one out and learn this skill. I think its people’s skills which even an introvert can master, I’m not sure though, as it is almost magical!
One of the biggest things learned from him is being a person of action more than words. He always said he didn’t like us as a class, but his actions said otherwise, he strived to get the best for our class till the last minute. I have somehow managed to be the same. I can’t come and tell you how you mean to me but I’ll try to imbibe all the learning taken from you and practice things you always wished your students should.
I wish I could go on and on, but hey, life is like that, you can’t keep doing things you love forever. There has to be coma, a full stop, a change of sentence, a change of chapter.
Things I learned from you Sir, is a book I hold close to my heart and read through every time in need and I’m sure of adding many more pages to it!
What makes you happy? What is that one thing that makes you smile? What is that one thing that makes you wish, you live longer? It can be your better half, your parents, family or simply a hobby or a goal you wish to achieve.
When I sat down to answer this question, there are a few things that popped in my mind. Reading, writing, travelling, etc. When I tried to question and find out why exactly do they make me happy, the answer became complicated.
Its easy to know what makes you happy. It isn’t as easy to figure out why it makes you happy. Its like your first crush, you know you like them, you don’t know why.
I banged my head on this for a while and finally got an answer. Its the learning experience from each of the things I love doing that makes me happy. Every time I complete reading a book, a blog post, a travel there is a sort of happiness I cannot feel otherwise.
When I hammered on this question for some more days I got a link between these things that make me happy. Its people! I am a non fiction person when it comes to reading, and usually end up reading experiences of people that I connect with. (Eat Pray Love being my last read.) I love to write so that I get back response of at least one person who connects with what I write. Travelling that I do has many reasons, one of the biggest is to meet people and know more about their lives.
This year I have done my best to spend time doing things that make me happy than I ever have. And guess what it wasn’t even on my resolution or to do list! So I would like you to push yourself and find out what makes you happy, find a relation within them like I did or just make sure you spend time doing these things that make you happy and the rest shall be take care of.
Till the year ends, my last series of posts will be “Things I learned from…” This will include people I have learned the most from & who have molded me into the being I am today!
