Have you also delayed work when you had too much time to do it? Wasted the holidays in between exams and struggled to study on the last day? Something similar happened with me this week.
I had time from Friday to work on my blog and I started to ideate finally on Sunday afternoon. The reason for the delay was due to the chaos in my mind. I tried to pen down my thoughts but failed. I wept within, I cried a bit before sleep.
I was yearning to write, I was too distracted perhaps. I felt miserable for being so. And just when I thought it will get better, it got worse. I was taken back to a moment I never wish to relive.
A moment I wish didn’t exist. It’s been a year, I didn’t know how to react then, I don’t know how to react now. It’s the kind of moment that makes you cringe, makes you feel weak. Death is a truth I don’t think I can ever make peace with.
Today marks a year ever since I first lost someone. I had a unique bond with her. My grandmother taught me many things. I still sometimes feel she will turn up out of somewhere and ask me to play a game of cards with her. My heart sinks to sorrow when my brain tells me that this won’t happen.
I went to her cemetery; I went to the prayer service. I shared the sorrow with people and came back home. I took my book and pen and realized what I’ll write this week.
It’s okay to lose
Life is not about winning
its about living
it’s about making it worth living
Losing someone close can feel terrible
Being dead alive is even worse
Make a mark till you have breath
like grandma did
make each day count like she did
and life will be beautiful
have faith, smile and spread love
The above is what I wrote. It’s the gist of what I wish to say with this post.
I like things planned, I love to do things as I plan them. It irritates me when the plans goes wrong, or if I fail to plan something. I am unable to plan what I wish to do with my future and this is the core of the clutter in my head right now.
This thought clashed with everything productive I wish to do. It didn’t let be at peace. But, today when I came home from the prayer service I realized how blessed I am to be alive, to breathe.
I don’t know who you are, and your struggles in life. But, I wish you respect your life, the way its shaping to be. Life is not meant to be easy. I have tried to accept death as a truth and started respecting its rival more now. I’ll try my best to live better, grow.
I hope you are able to do so too.