Living my last 9 weeks at my first job with a series of 9 posts that shall try to embrace every aspect learned from this job. Words mean more when stories are attached to it and in every sense I have learned the meaning of these 9 words. Read through the series and hopefully there is something in store for you too.
Conscious
The very reason to have this series is to be able to sail through the last few weeks. I have no reason why I should continue going to work as my admission for masters is sorted and I can focus on it. There is nothing but my conscious that stops me from doing so, and pulls me to work every day.
Other than my conscious I wanted another reason to go to work so I have started this series. And as explained above, conscious is the word I am relating stories to this week.
It could be the way my boss speaks or sometimes how my travel to work was or anything else, I tend to easily let it affect it with the kind of work we do. And when this happens my conscious kills me within. Now, after a lot of efforts I rarely let something affect my work, I work no matter what!
There are times when I had to choose between two things, being honest and going home on time. This decision was difficult as my inner self tells me it is wrong to lie at the same time; the same self doesn’t wish to be home late. At the end, I reached home late.
This is how strong my conscious is. I have cried in toilets of various places alone because I did something, said something I shouldn’t have and my conscious whipped me within.
At work, I have had days when I was given complete responsibility of something and I screwed it up. I was sorry for it and I was forgiven too but again, my conscious wasn’t done yet. It made sure I screwed up work of the next few days as well. And, of course I wasn’t forgiven this time.
This made me realize that I was harsh on myself, and when I thought more on it, it wasn’t the first time. I have been harsh on myself in past without realizing it. I haven’t yet but it is at the top of my learning list, to forgive myself.
I wish to give my best at what I am asked to do and even what I am not asked to do. I just have this strong urge to do things right always and when that doesn’t happen, I am disappointed, my conscious within is boiling, about to kill me. (Yup, this part of me is much of Monica from Friends)
I keep forgetting that I am only human and bound to make mistakes especially at a job which I have zero understanding of. Over time, I learned new things but I still can’t forget or forgive all the mistakes I have done since day 1. Hopefully, by the end of my last nine weeks I’ll forgive and forget.
Experimental series, feedback would help me improve.
DM @nishanavgire would love to hear from you!
Not continuing this series on purpose. Tried hard to, sorry for disappointing.
Hopefully I make up to you with rest of my articles. Thank You.