Scribbling pointers in my diary, I was thinking about what to write this week. I had filled pages of unconscious thoughts, wrote down few experiences of the week, but nothing helped. Writer’s block isn’t a myth after all.
I had a few things to write, but not so comfortable sharing them online, there were a few other stories in my mind to write but couldn’t find an interesting hook to write it. It is easy said than done to be a weekly blogger, the struggle is real!
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Around eighteen years back, I was in school. I had come home and as usual, all were off to work and classes and it was just me and grandma home. We had lunch and she slept. I was studying when the door knocked.
I opened and it was one of my relatives. He had come alone to meet grandma. I said she slept, he said he’ll wait. I gave him water and went back to my table to study. He came and sat next to me to see what I was studying.
The vibe wasn’t right and I tried to get out of the table and soon he was holding my hand tight and tried to come closer to me. I shouted for help but grandma was fast asleep. She was hard at hearing and it was afternoon time, hardly any neighbour was awake.
I managed to get out of his hands, grabbed a phone and asked him to leave. He left before I dialled a number. I was too young to understand what he wanted, what had happened. I couldn’t digest it for a while and eventually told my dad about it.
Dad said, it wasn’t right what he did, but we’ll not tell anyone about this because it will harm the reputation of the family. It is easy said than done to be a good father.
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Years later, the first year in senior college, we were asked to give a speech on a topic close to our hearts. The very first thing in front of the entire class and I talk about the incident with my relative. After the speech, few classmates, ignored me like I am a weirdo, few came forward embraced me, and a few shared their stories.
There weren’t hashtags then, but it was the #metoo moment for me. Guys and girls alike came to me and shared their stories. Even if it were a handful out of seventy in the class who came and shared their stories, it meant the world to me.
I remember a guy who came to me and shared his story. When he finished and I asked him why didn’t you take this topic for your speech? He said it is easy said than done for guys to speak up about such experiences.
Am I satisfied with the quality of my content? Is my content worth sharing it with my people? Is it worth their time? Is it okay to put up content weekly at the cost of quality? Such thoughts lay the foundation of my blogging struggles.
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The relative was an elderly boy and a son of my dad’s sister. He knew how his sister would be broken to know what her son had done. And on the other hand, there was me, trying to figure what exactly was happening. As a dad, it was a tough situation to be in.
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I shared the incident with the relative through the speech in detail with full confidence. I did so and didn’t think much of the consequences. When this boy came up and shared his story, I felt rewarded for doing what I did.
His story made him look weak, and society doesn’t like men looking weak and vulnerable. Sadly, a truth even in this century. It is easier for a girl to whine about #metoo than a boy having the courage and speaking about an experience as such.
But, I feel truly at peace when I finally manage to get out a post every week. It helps me improve my skills, it makes me believe that I can achieve goals I set for myself and my blog. And that I can do so with other goals in my life.
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I don’t know what the ideal way would be to deal with the situation my dad was in. But, I know I feared elderly boys for the longest time while growing up. Till date I can’t begin a conversation with elderly men, it takes time. Perhaps impressions as a kid are difficult to erase and not totally my dad’s fault.
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The boy who shared his story with me hasn’t reacted at all about the whole #metoo thing. Neither for nor against it. He has stayed away from it completely. I asked him about it and he said that he doesn’t wish to look weak or vulnerable.
I am glad people are talking more openly about abuse today than a few years back. I am glad that the dialogues have begun. But how far is it helping anyone? Are we looking at humans being abused or is it all about the gender factor? Some questions to think about.
All three situations had one thing in common, ‘the easy said than done’ factor. Where it feels easier to say something than actually doing it.
The fact is that in each situation the true bliss lay in doing something. For me, weekly blogging is that bliss, for my dad perhaps it could be dealing the situation better, for my friend the bliss might lay in the process of healing. The crux is doing, actions are required as much as the words.
Have you been in such a situation? An easier said than done kind? If yes, have that faith in yourself, and do it. Do what they say is easier to just say. Trust me, you’ll be proud of discovering this novel shade of you.