When mom had bought our flat nineteen years ago we had a barren land on one side and road on another. It feels like life completed a full circle now as again the land besides has become barren. It will soon be home for humans unlike it was for nineteen years for birds and strays.
I am skimming through the workdays and the course that I am studying is giving me a different headache. My mind wasn’t at its best for the past few days. It was reflecting at everything I had in hand.
Yesterday when I came home from work, I saw the trees being chopped and the little hope keeping me up just crashed with the trees. Result of such low? I called my younger cousin and we sat at a local bar as I sipped my sorrows.
I love to happy high. I hate what I did last night. But I just couldn’t afford another night of crying and sleeping. At least I slept peacefully. Never drinking when sad again, note and reminder set to self!
I have always seen alcoholism as something for the weak. Something that is done by the people who can’t handle their things properly. And this is the reason why for the majority of college days I stayed away from it and to an extent even people who did it.
Last night I had become one of the many I stayed away from in those days. But unlike my usual drunk nights, I don’t regret this one. As I remember everything and I know I didn’t create a lot of trouble for my younger cousin to handle. Yes, it sucks to think that I drank sadly and not drank happily like I usually enjoy but it wasn’t too bad.
More than anything, it felt like living twenty-three! For once, I used my money on me, for once I didn’t think much of what will happen next, for once I did what I decided for me, for once I didn’t care of what people would think, for once I wasn’t ashamed of how sad I felt, for once, I accepted me, as is.
“dhunde har ik saas mai, dubkiyon k baad mai,
har bhawar k paas, kinare…
beh rahe jo sath mai, jo hamare khas the,
kar gaye apni baat, kinare…
agar manjhi sare sath mai gair ho bhi jaye,
toh khud hi toh pathwar ban, paar honge ham,
jo chotisi har ek lehar, sagar ban bhi jaye,
koi tinka lekar hath mai, dhoond lenge ham, kinare…”
– Kinare (Queen)
Last night was my dubki! I had enough of life and got drowned in it. But, I have never let the low pull me so much down that I can’t come up. I pulled my own life jacket and am had a productive work day. Yes, life sucks now but I am not going to stop from my doing my best at everything – my work, my studies, my travel or even my blog!
Everyone has their low days but what you do after these days is what moulds you. How you become your own life jacket after a dubki is all that matters.
The barren land changed from being unproductive for cultivation to being a hub for birds and strays. It will now again change and become a home for humans. How was the land ever barren? It was always useful to someone.
Exactly what I should learn from it. To look at everything happening as a phase. To accept whatever comes my way and do the best of it. I am not going to let the big building coming soon in the near future make me cringe.
I will not crib about the beautiful days of birds and strays around. Instead, I’ll look at this building and question myself if I am making the most of what I have?
It is normal and okay to feel drowned. But, I hope you find the kinara after your dubki too! @nisha_navgire on Insta for sharing your dubki k baad stories !