Hope

January 2018 gave me the courage to leave a job and take up a course I had in mind. January 2019 has given me an opportunity to take up a job that is sort of like a dream one. What a roller coaster phase this has been between these two events!

The first half of last year went away in weekday work and weekend travel. I couldn’t physically or mentally be in any other mind frame- only work and travel. I got done with my job by May, after which I went to Spiti Valley.

I was back to having no job in hand, zero ideas of what to do with life. I didn’t really do much for two months apart from searching for jobs in NGOs but to no help. From August to December I got busy with my college assignments and exams.

And since I wasn’t really doing much, this year begin with a lot of panics. I kept applying to five NGOs every day, I was restless with other personal things happening. I was flipping and spiralling, but there was still hope alive somewhere and my smile didn’t fade away.

Halfway down the first month of the year, I went for a trek. I was at the top of Segawa Fort, I was sitting there alone, looking at the beautiful range, feeling the calm breeze, smiling at the not so harsh sun, trying to feel calm.

It felt as if my dear mountains gave me reassurance to keep my hope alive, to keep smiling. It felt as if the mountains knew what was in store for me the very next day. I sang to myself one of my favourite lines ‘kyun is kadar hairan tu, mausam ka hai mehman tu’ and begin to walk down.

I told myself how last year this time things were way worse, I was unhappy and frustrated with what I was doing. How now I have come to a point where I know what I wish to do. What I wish to live for and at least this tiny thing has been figured.

I smiled the entire way down. I ate to my heart’s content before coming back home. When I was back home, reality hit me hard again. The moments of peace a few hours back flushed off. All panic and anxiety of what to do again slapping my face.

I couldn’t sleep this night after the trek, which is rare as usually I get tired and don’t realize when I doze off. I was so uneasy my heartbeats were fast too. I somehow slept for a while and got up in a haze.

When I got up I figured it was a day that marks two years to losing grandma. My uneasiness notched another level. I had a bad panic attack and tried to sleep through it the first half of the day.

When I got up, ate lunch and figured I got the dream job. I couldn’t believe my eyes. This NGO works for a cause I so truly believe in. I couldn’t take it all in and finally, joy came out through my eyes.

I called a few people and shared my joy. I don’t think I will sleep tonight as well in excitement for this new phase I am beginning with. The journey between two Januaries has been bumpy, but I didn’t let go of one thing – hope!

I don’t know what this new phase will be like, but I know how hard it has been to come till here. I know and have the main thing to carry on this new journey – Hope! I know that whatever that shall come my way from now on, the past year has prepared me for it. And I’ll flow smiling through it.

The point of sharing this little extract of my life at this moment (Jan’19)
is to tell you the importance of ‘hope and smile’ for dealing with life!