Have you ever seen the wicket where the ball hits the middle stump and it goes twirling till the wicketkeeper? This week, I felt like that middle stump. I was thrashed at each ball of the over I almost went twirling back into emotional crap that never reached a keeper.
The week began positively. I finished a prolonged task and felt happy. Tuesday was kind too, a colleague opened up a part of her to me and I managed to share a few bits too. For the kind of person I am, this sort of share time was an achievement.
Wednesday is the reason the blog began with a cricket analogy. I love this sport and got an opportunity to play it. But now imagine, you have to play cricket without making a single sound? Imagine you can’t shout howzzat! at a wicket nor abuse someone at a dropped catch?!
The children I played cricket with couldn’t speak or hear. When I began playing, I was a noisy one. By the end of the hour, I began to express through actions alone and felt the beauty of playing with expressing only through actions and expressions.
As heart-warming this day was, the next day was equally or more heart-breaking! I questioned what I am doing in life, what kind of person I am, I questioned if I should really do what I am doing or run away? It was a bitter day and my dad managed to make it worse.
I had the worst break downs in history ever. I managed to weep the entire way back from office. I came home, dad added fuel to fire, I got more reasons to cry and I couldn’t take it. I met my younger cousin, wept like a baby. I met my elder cousin, talked it all out, spoke of possible solutions, and came back home and finally slept.
It was a tough day, everything occurred at once, all problems decided to bowl at me and like that middle stump, I kept twirling back into the pitch. On Friday when I got up, I told myself that enough is enough. Everything negative has flowed out of you, now only good will happen.
I wrote in my journal, ‘you were at your worst last night and it is okay’ I told myself that it was all okay. Nobody has a picture-perfect life. You are no special, all are in their journeys, dealing with different devils. It is okay. Make your journey worth, make your time worth it, you have it in you, you can do everything asked by life, better.
Starting the day with such positive words to self, helped me learn things. I observed and made notes watching a senior at work. I made myself happy with small joys like watermelon juice, samosa and chatni etc. I pulled out well a task I was to do for the first time and received some genuine kind words as feedback.
These kind words made my heart smile. The words I told myself in the morning where resaid to me by a senior from work on a call and that just made my day come a full circle.
I came back and wrote in my diary that nothing comes easy. There will be challenges, how you deal with them will make you or break you. I choose to not break but make myself better.
On Saturday, I continued the same attitude and learned new things. Unfortunately, it is difficult to let go of the bad times easily. The entire weekend, time and again all that I did wrong during the week kept coming back to me in episodes. I couldn’t focus and do my weekend chores right. Exactly why I am writing this on a Monday.
Having said so, I couldn’t let one day in my week to make me have a no-post week. I made myself to write this down forcefully. This week, yes I felt like the middle stump, but by the end of it, I shifted roles. I bowled and problems got hit like the middle stump!
Look for the positive, look for learning and you will find it.
Sharing this week’s happening to give you hope that you can
deal with your life devils better than you do now.