The week after a trek is usually relaxed. I take the positive energy into my week. But this time I couldn’t. This time the week drained out of me the little positivity I gained from the trek. I was empty within by the time Saturday arrived.
I was neck deep in my work and I flowed through the week. I plan and do my work well but this week I just flowed. There was something pricking me so hard I couldn’t give my work my best shot. I wasn’t even writing my daily journals properly.
Along with my job I am doing a correspondence Masters’ Course in Social Work. However the University I am doing it from turned out to have really bad management. They haven’t given assignment questions to be submitted by the end of September. I lose a year if I don’t submit the assignment on time.
I have never even failed an exam, leave alone an entire year. How could this not prick me within, kill me inside and ruin everything else I was doing this week? I felt worse one night. All of these thoughts kept coming at me again and again. I couldn’t sleep.
Next day I met someone after long. I was trying to meet this person for weeks. I was almost in tears when we didn’t meet last week. But in the middle of the week, I got blessed to meet this person. This meeting felt like life stroking my head saying ‘it is all right, you’ll sail through.’ I slept peacefully after I came home that night.
Few days went in haze and I was alive again on Saturday. I was nominated by my organization to be at the American School of Bombay for a Professional Learning Course. I was fed with so much information within a few hours I felt recouped. The things I was taught, the people I met, the experience of this entire day made me feel that there is more to life than the way I am looking at it.
I thought of all the possibilities of what my future could become. For once, more than making me afraid, it made me feel okay. I accepted what my life as is and tried to make peace with what it could become.
Before Saturday, I feared to tell myself the consequences. I was thinking and not accepting the wrong that could happen. After a full day of learning when I finally told myself that it is okay and accepted every possibility of my future is when I finally felt alright.
So the key to getting out of a fear of future or the next level of it being anxiety or panicking is to accept all possibilities your future can behold. Face it. Confront to yourself the worst possibilities. Accept these possibilities and you are halfway done with the battle.
It took two wet pillow nights, one meeting with a friend and one whole day of new learning for me to face life as is and deal with it. It took another round of talking to friends to be able to write about it here.
Let’s face it and accept life as is to grow better.
I hope these words reach all in need of it.
@nisha_navgire on Insta for sharing anything.