‘home is a feeling’

One of the most common questions I get asked towards the end of a year is “so how many places you travelled this year?” Whatever the number I answer, small or big, the next question pops up “how do you manage to do so much travel?”

Often, I humbly reply saying there are people travelling more than I do, some even get paid these days. However, the following question puzzles me more “how do you manage to stay away from home for so long?”

There are people who tell me that they are in awe of how I manage time to travel. Some say that you are lucky to have money in hand to travel. I feel blessed to have both at once and be able to explore places a bit.

But, about missing home when away, I don’t feel so, I don’t miss it. I have lived away from home enough to know the value of a home as a place. A shelter to dwell, eat and have a comfortable living. I know the importance of it.

But home is also where I boss around, take care of Maa and the rest. I cherish the joy of being the one who is looking after things. I get to do this with people I am close to on my trips and treks. It feels happy to make people do things for their good, it feels home to do so.

I am a lazy head when it comes to daily mundane tasks of a bath, hair wash etc. On my to-do list, priority is to read and write than to bathe and whatever. And when out, not always we all get to bath, what a relief to a lazy head like me. It totally feels home when this happens.

Home is also where I am made to feel out of place, as my parents and sister have a commerce background and I am a humanities student. A major reason why my sister always manages to prove that I am adopted!

Anyway, the fact that the people I travel with and the people I meet as I travel are all so different than me. I relate to a few, I completely don’t to so many. I feel home when I am among a bunch of people completely different than me, in more than one way.

The idea of a festival in my house is different. We don’t follow any religion too rigorously to follow any festival rituals the same way. And so the idea of celebrating any festival gets down to cooking a special meal and calling people to hog.

A little titter-tatter, good food, some dessert, some singing and grooving at times is what festival at home feels like. More often than not on big trips, there is at least one full night where I do not sleep just talk with people, listen to music and chill. At such nights, it does feel home!

Being a writer, I am a natural observer. For some reason, I observe people and situations more than I observe things and places. I tend to grow more as a person with these observations that I pen down about people and situations after each travel.

I find comfort when I am with certain people, I feel easy, happy, it feels home with them around. I have only Maa at home, apart from her, I am only used to a few faces around at home. I can never feel easy or happy in a crowd.

Perhaps why I run away from the crowd when I travel. Even if it means to run away for a while with the bunch I am travelling with. I do so to feel easy, to feel comfortable, to feel home. This is also the reason why I haven’t been able to connect to more than a few people at once throughout life.

I have only two people I connected with completely from school, junior college, and even senior college. I know many people but a genuine bond of share and care with only two. This year I even found my two trek mates who make me feel home among a bunch of around ten I travel with.

If a home is a feeling of ease and comfort, each of the above people make me feel so. I am my true version to them. They have seen my good, bad, worse, and have managed to sail through. The ease around them is the feeling of ease as if at home.

I can go on and on and it will never end. As talking about home isn’t easy as it isn’t a place. And to speak about a feeling, words always fall less. I love the feeling of home. The feeling I get doing a few things, the feeling I get by being with certain people.

I don’t know what is home for you, but I hope you figure it out. It is always nice to know what makes you feel at ease so as to go and dug into it in times of need.

November 4, 2018

‘easy said than done’

Scribbling pointers in my diary, I was thinking about what to write this week. I had filled pages of unconscious thoughts, wrote down few experiences of the week, but nothing helped. Writer’s block isn’t a myth after all.

I had a few things to write, but not so comfortable sharing them online, there were a few other stories in my mind to write but couldn’t find an interesting hook to write it. It is easy said than done to be a weekly blogger, the struggle is real!

Around eighteen years back, I was in school. I had come home and as usual, all were off to work and classes and it was just me and grandma home. We had lunch and she slept. I was studying when the door knocked.

I opened and it was one of my relatives. He had come alone to meet grandma. I said she slept, he said he’ll wait. I gave him water and went back to my table to study. He came and sat next to me to see what I was studying.

The vibe wasn’t right and I tried to get out of the table and soon he was holding my hand tight and tried to come closer to me. I shouted for help but grandma was fast asleep. She was hard at hearing and it was afternoon time, hardly any neighbour was awake.

I managed to get out of his hands, grabbed a phone and asked him to leave. He left before I dialled a number. I was too young to understand what he wanted, what had happened. I couldn’t digest it for a while and eventually told my dad about it.

Dad said, it wasn’t right what he did, but we’ll not tell anyone about this because it will harm the reputation of the family. It is easy said than done to be a good father.

Years later, the first year in senior college, we were asked to give a speech on a topic close to our hearts. The very first thing in front of the entire class and I talk about the incident with my relative. After the speech, few classmates, ignored me like I am a weirdo, few came forward embraced me, and a few shared their stories.

There weren’t hashtags then, but it was the #metoo moment for me. Guys and girls alike came to me and shared their stories. Even if it were a handful out of seventy in the class who came and shared their stories, it meant the world to me.

I remember a guy who came to me and shared his story. When he finished and I asked him why didn’t you take this topic for your speech? He said it is easy said than done for guys to speak up about such experiences.

Am I satisfied with the quality of my content? Is my content worth sharing it with my people? Is it worth their time? Is it okay to put up content weekly at the cost of quality? Such thoughts lay the foundation of my blogging struggles.

The relative was an elderly boy and a son of my dad’s sister. He knew how his sister would be broken to know what her son had done. And on the other hand, there was me, trying to figure what exactly was happening. As a dad, it was a tough situation to be in.

I shared the incident with the relative through the speech in detail with full confidence. I did so and didn’t think much of the consequences. When this boy came up and shared his story, I felt rewarded for doing what I did.

His story made him look weak, and society doesn’t like men looking weak and vulnerable. Sadly, a truth even in this century. It is easier for a girl to whine about #metoo than a boy having the courage and speaking about an experience as such.

But, I feel truly at peace when I finally manage to get out a post every week. It helps me improve my skills, it makes me believe that I can achieve goals I set for myself and my blog. And that I can do so with other goals in my life.

I don’t know what the ideal way would be to deal with the situation my dad was in. But, I know I feared elderly boys for the longest time while growing up. Till date I can’t begin a conversation with elderly men, it takes time. Perhaps impressions as a kid are difficult to erase and not totally my dad’s fault.

The boy who shared his story with me hasn’t reacted at all about the whole #metoo thing. Neither for nor against it. He has stayed away from it completely. I asked him about it and he said that he doesn’t wish to look weak or vulnerable.

I am glad people are talking more openly about abuse today than a few years back. I am glad that the dialogues have begun. But how far is it helping anyone? Are we looking at humans being abused or is it all about the gender factor? Some questions to think about.

All three situations had one thing in common, ‘the easy said than done’ factor. Where it feels easier to say something than actually doing it.

The fact is that in each situation the true bliss lay in doing something. For me, weekly blogging is that bliss, for my dad perhaps it could be dealing the situation better, for my friend the bliss might lay in the process of healing. The crux is doing, actions are required as much as the words.

Have you been in such a situation? An easier said than done kind? If yes, have that faith in yourself, and do it. Do what they say is easier to just say. Trust me, you’ll be proud of discovering this novel shade of you.

October 28, 2018

‘have a good time’

I didn’t wish to write about this weekend’s trip. ‘I don’t think I have enough stories and experiences to put them to words this time’ I said to a friend.

When I uttered these words to him is when I realized my mistake. I said so because the experience I had was not like my usual two-day trek kind. When I removed the two-day trek reference in my mind, I got many stories to write about the two happy days I had.

We began to drive towards Jawahar, around eight in the morning. There were four bikes and a car and of course I was on the bike with my cousin Sanish. The sun was kind in the beginning and then got harsh on us, but the beautiful road kept us going.

I and my cousin sang a variety of songs as we rode across the beautiful landscape. Our happiness matched the level of the madness of Shammi Kapoor’s dance moves and so perhaps we sang his songs all the way. The playlist altered to some random travel songs as we reached our hotel.

The hotel had a swing, I didn’t get off it until the lunch was finally ready and night stay was looked after. When we sat down to eat, it rained. The cold breeze with the smell of soil felt refreshing. I don’t enjoy eating much, but I loved this lunch, I felt full.

After lunch when we left for Dhabosa Waterfall, the sun was out again, as if the rain just came to help me eat well. We saw it from above, we didn’t go near the waterfall as we had to see some more places, so after clicking a few pictures we left.

I felt so low, I was quiet on the ride to the next place in mind. I sang a few songs still, as the road was so pretty! We reached the sunset point, a noisy crowded place. Not being able to feel the water and then in this crowd, I was about to break down.

I had a walk around the place and felt better. I went back to my people, we clicked a few pictures and then left to the Jai Villas Palace. We reached late and so couldn’t go in, but a walk around was enough to fall in love with its structure.

Jawahar was a princely hill station of the British time ruled by the Munke family. Jai Vilas Palace was their seat of power. It has around 80 room. The structure, the pristine pinkish stone used does give a glimpse of the mighty aura the Munke family lived in.

After kind of living a British history chapter, we entered a mythological one. We went to Hanuman Point. Legend has it that Hanuman loved this hill station had rested here. We can all take this myth with a pinch of salt.

We had ice cream and then left to our hotel. I played the swing again for a while before it was time for dinner. We walked around the place as the moon kept a watch on us. We went back to the hotel and decided to listen to some music before we slept.

We heard a few songs, then one of us wanted to watch the video of the songs played. And that is how it all began, one video and another and in time we were grooving to beats of the song.

We didn’t have a speaker, but the playlist was such that almost all knew all songs and steps perfectly to do it right. It was so relaxing, I forgot all about the day, and just sang and danced.

After a while, I went to the room and crashed. My body asked me to sleep but the room was filled with laughter, there were constant jokes and comments and so much more happening. I was laughing at all the madness happening and didn’t realize when I dozed off. It was the first time ever I slept while laughing so much!

I got up, got fresh, and had a walk outside with a friend. We came back, saw the sunrise from our hotel’s terrace. It was a beautiful start to the day. We had a quick breakfast, took all our bags and left to Shirpamal.

It was a gateway made to keep an eye on the surrounding by the Marathas. Shirpamal was a stopover point for Shivaji Maharaj when he headed towards Surat. The structure and the view are as enticing as the story behind it.

Almost like a laughing gas was on, the jokes kept happening as we laughed our way out of Shirpamal. Joyfully, we headed to Bhupatgadh next. The ride was tricky but the landscape beautiful.

The climb of half hour to the fort was tedious due to heat yet I smiled. I couldn’t stop grinning as I was on a mountain, there were trees around me, and I was heading to an old structure, walking with my crazy bunch.

Bhopatgadh fort was mainly used for official meetings and planning. It has good water storage, a few wells and a small pond. The remains of the structure, the view from the top is all worth the visit.

I wanted to stay on the mountain for longer and so walked the way back to our vehicles but didn’t help. I was feeling a bit low to let go of the mountain. Just then one of us pops up with ‘one rupee Pepsi’ I don’t know what else its called.

It is what I always had a kid. That little ice candy thing is a small joy of life. I got it at the right time, in the right place. I remember I hopped a little and took one out of the bag in my friend’s hand. True joy is indeed in small things as such.

We were on our way to Suryamal now, it is the highest point in Thane district. We saw wood carving on our way in Bhuritek village. There were two logs of wood with warriors carve done on each, one had a man other had a woman. I haven’t seen anything as such before and couldn’t find its purpose either.

Now we reached Suryamal, I clicked a few photos then I ran. As I ran, I let go of every single thought in my mind. I felt free, I stopped at a place and sat down for a while. There were at least twelve layers of mountains in front of me, the sun was about to set, there was a cool breeze and since I ran, I was away from the chitter-chatter of my group.

Life is so chaotic, decisions I am making, future decisions and so much more I keep over thinking about. But this trip was till now trying to calm me down, trying to say you deserve to chill, smile, and relax too.

For around five minutes as I observed this layered landscape, I was one with nature. It told me to have a good time. It told me to enjoy the chaos in order to be less troubled by it. I felt enlightened and then went back to my group.

After a lot of pictures and also my signature London Thumakda moves, we left. The next few km bike ride was super amazing, a good road with trees on both sides. I was happy high and it was time I did something more.

I stood on the bike and sang so many songs. I even managed to do a few hand waves. I did stand on the bike a while ago with fellow bike mates but this few km was something I’ll cherish forever.

As I stood on the bike, I let go of a lot of nonsense in my mind, I had no thoughts whatsoever. It indeed was my ‘jo bhi ho so ho’ moment!

The ride back home was crazy. I sat with my younger cousin for a change and we are real idiots. We scared random humans on the road while driving. Might not be morally right but was hilarious.

If I have to write it, personally, observing the people I was with, the situations we were into, I learned and have made notes.

I felt stronger in my mind by the end of this trip, as each person I was with had something to give which I lacked and I did have a good time.

October 22, 2018

The Konkan Kind – III

Various gods and goddesses are worshipped around Konkan region. Believers flock in from many states for blessings. I saw a few of these deities during my three-day trip. Hope you enjoyed the journey so far and love this last read in the series.

One friend was supposed to leave us after dinner but her thing at work got sorted and she could stay. I asked her to treat us all with ice cream. After a wonderful day at so many forts and then the beach and now I ice cream. ‘I was dancing of joy inside’ could definitely be an understatement!

We went to the place we were spending our night. I didn’t even keep my bag down as I got busy with a fur ball. And there were two of them, two furry cats! I got busy playing with them and in a while slept.

The room was small for us and heat was terrible. I got up after an hour’s nap, irritable and angry because of incomplete sleep. I asked a friend awake for a similar reason and we stepped out. The moon was there, calm and as if awaiting my arrival.

I realized there is no way out and I have to sleep in there and went to give it another try. The cats and other nuisance woke others sleeping by now. So five of us awake stepped out. Unable to sleep, unable to do anything, damn irritable, we decided to have a walk.

We walked, talked about music, shared random thoughts and stories and finally went in and got a few hours of sleep in that hot pot. Five of us turned an irritable night of restlessness into a memorable one where we talked, laughed and shared. Moments as such with people you travel adds to the glory of a trip.

After morning tea we left for Ratnadurg fort. We had been to this fort before, yet saw it in a different light this time. This is a must visit fort if you plan to land in Konkan anytime, the placement of it, the structure, the view, it is all a delight not to be missed!

Next, we saw the Velneshwar Temple. The Shiva idol is the prime attraction of this place, especially during the Mahashivratri celebrations. The pristine clean beach behind the temple is mesmerising but not open for tourists now, perhaps why it has managed to stay clean.

We now went to the famous Kalbhairav Temple, also known as Bahiri Temple. It is constructed by the Gujar family. This temple is known to have not only Hindu devotees but also Jain and Islam origin devotees.

After this, we quickly saw the Jogeshwari Temple, commonly called the Jugai Temple. This is a shrine of Shree Jugaidevi. The structure of this temple is beautiful and has a calm ambience for anyone to sit and connect to the superpowers.

We now headed to Ganpati Phule. This is a Ganesh Temple on the base of a small hill and has a beautiful beach in the front. I loved the various kinds of Ganesh idols on the structure of the temple.

We had a quick breakfast and then went to a fort finally. I was done with watching various deities. And Jaigadh proved to be love at first sight. The fort has a deep pit at the entrance (khandak) and the fortification walls still stand strong around the fort.

There are many structures still in good condition in the fort, including temples, wells and even a few rooms. Our timing I felt was perfect as the light’s romance with the structure made for many beautiful frames.

I felt very content after exploring this fort. Now, we took a jetty ride with our sumo in it. It was an amazing experience to be in sumo, then have the sumo in a jetty and then again riding the sumo to the next place planned, Vyadeshwar Temple.

This shrine is dedicated to Lord Shiva but has several other deities like Talkeshwar, Udaleshwar, and Balkeshwar. The idols of God Ganesh, God Vishnu, and God Surya are also there.

After this, we saw the Gopalgadh lighthouse and also learned from a person working there how it functions, what are its functions mainly etc. It was the first time I saw a lighthouse so up close, it was a beautiful learning experience.

We now headed to Goaplgadh, the gates were closed because apparently, this fort isn’t a public property anymore. We don’t go by the rules and figured our way in and the experience of this fort was fun, full of laughter and madness. Also known as Anjanvel, this fort was also part of the trade route at the time.

After such a big day, we were blessed with a kind stay at one of our friend’s house in Aare village. It was a beautiful night and I had one of the best sleep of the entire trip. On the ride to the house, I noticed a river and it could be heard from the house as well. I had to had to go there but it was dark

So, as planned, I got up early, woke my cousin and two friends. One decided to sleep and three of us headed out towards the river. We saw a land full of coconut palms. I danced around the trees as if in a dream and then we walked into the river.

We found a place, sat there for a while and in some time got joined by our sleepy friend. He found us and now four of us spent time talking and clicking with our feet in the river. For a while, we all were quiet, I could hear only the river, fluttering of the palm leaves and some birds and yes it felt like the Konkan kind of goodbye.

My heart sank as I walked back to the house. We noticed a big spider eat a grasshopper. We noticed another spider and stood and clicked photos in awe for nature. When we finally reached the house, we had our morning tea and breakfast and left for our bus to the station.

The stay was too emotional as I helped the lady cook. I do not step in the kitchen at home often, and the warmth received in a span of hours filled me with joy. The fact that the trip was about to end killed me more.

I was super quiet and sadly my face depicts what I feel and I am bad at hiding sorrow. I am blessed with great friends in life as the amazing playlist and care by a friend helped me not choke and bid Konkan gratitude filled goodbye with a smile.

We had lunch and got on the train and managed to get comfortable seats. This train journey back home will be marked as the most epic fun journey I have ever had. The jokes, the laughter, the games, the talks of the trip, each person present made me feel so blessed.

This was my first ever big trip of four days in total with my trekker group and I am so glad it was Konkan Kind. I built stronger bonds with people, learned about many new places and experienced Konkan truly. Blessed with the best people to trek and trip with is something I will brag for as long as I shall live!

(I couldn’t add in detailed information about the places I visited but have managed to put all the links to sites I took the information in a word file. If you wish to check this bibliography along with the entire itinerary, click here!)

October 14, 2018

The Konkan Kind – II

Konkan plain stretches approximately 530km and is almost 45-76km in width. I experienced only a tiny bit of the mighty Konkan and here is the second post in my series, hope you enjoy the read.

After a good sleep, we were all up on time and headed to explore Vijaydurg fort by 6:15am. As we reached the fort, we witnessed the Konkan kind of good morning. We saw the sun, rise above the horizon with its reflection flowing and reaching us. I clicked a few pictures and then stood still to embrace the moment.

The moment pumped me so much, I was overjoyed. And so the consequence had to happen. I couldn’t take my eyes off the mesmerizing sea and structure of the place and didn’t see a hole and got my right leg stuck in it.

There was terrible pain from the bone near the feet up till the knee. I couldn’t exactly figure where I was hit as it pained from the knee till my feet. I had a good friend beside me who witnessed my fall who asked me to check but I refused and kept walking.

I didn’t wish to miss out on exploring the most magnificent sea fort. I didn’t want the group to have any delay because of my stupid fall either. I needed water badly to gulp in my tears, but sadly we had forgotten to fill our bottles that morning.

Vijaydurg is a good place if you get hurt and wish to divert your mind. There is so much to know about. The older name being ‘Gheria’, this fort is among the only two forts where Shivaji personally hoisted the saffron flag, other being Torana.

It was a naval dock of the time and the entire construction of the fort is an architectural marvel, a good place for students of architecture and history. The fort is also known to be the place where French scientist, Jhonson took readings to detect that helium exists as one of the prime elements of the Sun.

In total awe for the fort we left and took bags from our rooms to catch the 9:15am bus to Jaitapur. As we were getting out bags, I checked my leg and it looked terrible. I gulped the fear of how I’ll deal with it and went down for the quick breakfast before we left.

I sat alone on the bus and looked outside the window. I spotted a few birds and saw many beautiful houses. I noticed a completely dry banyan tree which still, stood strong. It was as if telling me to ignore the pain in my leg and be strong for the day ahead.

We got down at Jaitapur hopped into the Sumo we had hired. It took us first to Yashwantgadh, a fort we missed the last time we had come to Ratnagiri. This fort was used for trade along with Ambolgadh.

The fort is divided into two parts, the plateau and the creek. The doorway has a Ganesh idol and lotus flowers carved. The fort has two storerooms. Patki family stays inside the fort premises and they even have a well outside their house.

dav — Three of us walking towards the entrance that has the Ganesh idol and the flower. Picture Credits – Sanish

On our way to the next place in mind, our tyre got punctured. One of the screws of the tyre was stuck, we oiled and tried everything, but the screw refused to move. After around half an hour with a fellow Sumo driver’s help, we got it fixed and began our journey again.

This half-hour was like a reality check. It gave a glimpse of all that had happened during the first time and how we sailed through it. It was time to thank some superpowers who helped us not have too much delay in the day and we got down at the beautiful Kanakaditya Temple.

It is a famous place for devotees of Sri Kanakaditya (name of Sun God). The five-day celebration of Ratha-Saptami receives many devotees from all parts of the country every year. The kirtans, pravachans and aarti done during the festival is quite an attraction.

Now we were on our way to Purnagadh when we decided to quickly visit the Kasheli point. The view from the top was breathtaking and I couldn’t wait to run down the steps to the point and see the heavenly scene.

I ran the first few steps and what a big mistake that was! My leg began to hurt so bad I thought it will rip off. The sound of the waves hitting the shore was so loud, it was as if my leg shouting out to me and please just stop and stand in one place.

No, I didn’t do that, slowly I walked down the steps to the spot. The shades of blue of the sea, the blurring of the horizon, the sound of the waves, the serenity of moment made my soul so happy, I could have actually danced! That would be asking too much from my leg so I just stood there drooling over the beauty of the place.

777 — How’s the pain in your leg? ‘I can’t feel the pain with such a pretty picture painted around me, it is all too dreamy to feel anything.’

Then, we reached Purnagadh, a small fort which can be viewed in one sight. It had a Hanumanji’s deity at the entrance. Some evidence suggests it was built by Shivaji Maharaj while some suggest it was built by Sakhoji Angre, son of Kanhoji Angre.

Now we headed to Thiba Palace, a lesser known place. It is a fine architecture and clearly gives a feel of old British era. Thiba hailed from Burma and one can dig into the history of his interesting life which made the existence of this marvellous palace possible in Konkan region.

My attention yet again was driven to something else, a tree. After exploring and knowing about the Thiba Palace, I climbed a tree outside the palace. It was so pretty, I couldn’t control climbing it. I could feel the happy hormones dancing in me to the tunes of ‘Sawar Loon’ that I sang.

Now, we headed to Bhatye beach. We reached in time before the sunset. I and a friend kept our shoes in the vehicle and ran to the sea. The feeling of the first wave kissing my leg is something I can’t put to words.

I and my friend walked to the calmer, fewer people end of the beach and spent time playing and doing everything that came to our mind. We observed the sun, its reflection, and the clouds on the opposite side, the waves, and the horizon. There wasn’t a single cell in our body that wasn’t overjoyed.

After a while, we walked back to our group and had fun with them. In some time we left to figure out our stay for the night. Life balances everything since the day had made me so happy, it was time for the night to show its darkest shade.

October 8, 2018

The Konkan Kind – I

Konkan is the coastal plain region between the Arabian Sea and the Western Ghats of Maharashtra. It is home to many beautiful beaches, forts and temples. This is the first post in the series of my experience of the Kind Konkan. I hope you enjoy the read and perhaps learn something new.

I had yet again chosen to travel over something else more important. I had an extreme guilt of being selfish but I knew my decision wasn’t wrong and kind Konkan did prove me right!

As planned, we took Mangalore Express train from Thane station at 10:30pm. We were hoping to at least get on the train, but we not only got in, but we also got seats. The place wasn’t enough to get some sleep yet somehow we managed to relax and reached Kankavli station at 7:10am.

Eight of us freshened up and started walking towards the bus stop. We managed to have tea before we stepped in the bus to Ramgadh. Peeping through the window I saw the landscape of small houses and fields touching the horizon and in minutes we reached our first fort.

Ramgadh fort has the most unique Ganesh idol with a wobbly trunk and asuras at the base. There are seven tofs kept in line with a lot of grass and trees around it, obviously making a beautiful frame.

This intriguing fort kept us exploring it for more time than planned and we missed our bus to Achra from where we would head further to Sindhudurg. Soon, we hopped into a tumtum to Achra.

I and my friend sat behind and couldn’t stop smiling the entire ride. It was like living our ‘khwabon k parindey’ moment. The road had trees on either side, the clouds in the sky forming various shapes, the warm smiles of people in intervals, the leaves on the road following us for a while and the calm breeze soothing our souls.

Luckily, we managed to get this tumtum to ride directly to Sindhudurg. We kept our luggage outside and headed to our boat ride to the fort. Sindhudurg is a 16th-century architectural marvel made possible by the great Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj.

The entrance to the fort is hidden like that of the other sea forts built at the time. The purpose was for the enemy to never find it. Only locals can point the correct entry, no tourist can locate it.

Yes, the fort has a beautiful structure and amazing history but my attention was totally driven to the sea. The waves kept thrashing the fort walls, the sound of which was so serene I got lost in my own world.

The mighty sea waves many time hit the fort walls so high the water fell inside. The waves managed to fall on a few of us as we walked past the entire fort wall churning excitement among all of us the entire time.

If the waves could climb the fort walls and reach us, I kept thinking of all the things even I can do and think are impossible. Like the endless efforts of the waves, even I can and I should keep giving my all for my masters and hope to achieve what I think I can.

After a thoughtful walk around this historical fort, it was time to leave. By now, the heat and hunger both were unbearable. As we returned from the fort, we had a kala-khatta gola and headed straight for lunch. The old lady serving us food reminded me of grandma so much, it made me cry within.

As usual, instead of being low about missing grandma, I acted weird and made all around me believe I was annoyed with her being so much keen on me eating. She kept looking at my plate, conversing to me about food and other things, just like grandma.

I wish I had courage enough to hug her and say thank you, you made my day. Her kindness made my soul smile and heart cry. It definitely felt like grandma had come down to say hello, please take care and eat well one last time.

We had some time before our bus to Vijaydurg and we had a walk around. I crossed the lunch place twice, thinking if I should go in and thank the old lady, but I couldn’t. I think I need to get more emotionally stronger for that.

We boarded the bus and saw one of the most beautiful sunsets. The cool breeze helped me have a nap despite the ride being extremely bumpy and scary. I think the BEST drivers should be given special rewards and recognition for their driving stints. They are really underrated F1 drivers.

It was dark when we got down near Vijaydurg fort. A visarjan was going to happen soon and a procession was approaching towards us. The dhol was so amazing, I began dancing in reflex. Not for long but we all did a little jig of our own for a few minutes. It felt odd yet refreshing to dance at a distance from a procession.

We attended the visarjan aarti and I witnessed my first ever visarjan. I don’t have feelings about what I saw, kind of blank about the whole festival itself, I have no clarity of thought on the festival as it is just my second year of actually understanding it, I’ll surely write more on it when I know and experience more about it.

Soon after that, we finished our dinner and then the moon appeared above the sea. Deep pink, calm and as if smiling and welcoming me for a conversation. I sat near the edge of the sea and saw the moon reflect over the sea.

The waves hitting the rocks at the shore felt like the moon was responding to my questions. I clicked a few pictures and hummed a few songs. I was lost in the divine beauty of this moment after that.

My mind had zero tabs open, perhaps still somewhere some music player was on in low volume but nothing more. For a few minutes it was just me and the moon, its reflection and the sound of the waves at the shore, it was a soulful conversation with the moon.

I saw the moon rise above and observed the change in its reflection pattern. After spending these moments of peace it was time to head to our rooms and have enough rest for the next day. We headed back, played cards for a while and slept.

I slept with a big smile on my face. I thanked the superpowers for a beautiful day where I saw the power of the mighty waves in the start and for the beautiful end with the moon and everything serene that occurred in between. I knew somewhere within, that this was just a start and there was more madness in store in the coming few days.

October 4, 2018

It’s Never Enough!

“I was glad to see you, little good girl, God bless you, come every year, eat well now…” he caressed my head as I was sitting down to eat.

I looked up at him, smiled and nodded. I couldn’t utter a word as I felt so loved.

It was my friend’s dad, he did the entire hour-long aarti as many of us joined behind clapping. If you know me or have read a few of my posts, to see me standing at an hour-long aarti is a miracle.

Thanks to my cousin Sanish, who convinced me last year to witness this aarti, for an experience, to see how it is done. However, this year, I had to convince him to leave his team’s football match for this experience!

An hour of Ganesh pooja at this friend’s place is an experience I would like to go for every year, to observe all kinds of devotees. The one ahead, in full divine swing, one behind actually swinging and almost dancing, kids trying to adapt something, old ladies singing every word.

It is a very different world for that one hour, everyone is in a different mind frame but physically at the same place! For me, more than the aarti, uncle’s blessing words, decided to dwell and live in me.

My dad has never caressed my head or told me he was proud of something I did, blessed me or prayed for me. I crave for that kind of love. My friend’s dad perhaps said so and blessed many others present there, but for me that moment was everything.

That moment of love was a feeling of joy I perhaps can’t justify with words. When you feel it, it is never enough!

I am scared of horror movies. I can’t watch violence on the screen of any kind, too much blood and ghosts. It kills me. An irrational fear, I am trying to overcome.

I began watching bloodshed and violence to fight this fear. I watched, Gangs of Wasseypur both parts, Haider, and Sacred Games. Each helping me step up a ladder of being okay with violence.

I was worst hit with Haider, because I know that the violence in it wasn’t a fictional story. I know it is the reality of people. If there is only one Bollywood movie you will ever watch in your life, please make sure it is Haider.

After I felt I could manage violence on my plate, it was time to go for horror. All this violence I saw on my laptop, but I decided to go for horror on the big screen. Yes, I love challenging me.

The ghost of the movie did give me a few sleepless nights, but the experience in the theatre stayed with me longer. I kept clinging on to a friend, screaming and even became hot with fear.

My friend held me tight, spoke to me, snuggled me but it didn’t help much. I was shit scared and the fear didn’t dissolve. However, the care received in that little time was impeccable.

The little whispers, the light strokes on my hand, the constant concern, made me felt loved. It is rare to receive care in your worst moment.

To be loved when all you feel is panic and anxiety for facing your worst kind of fear. And when you do get it, it is never enough!

My cousin and I were on our way to the aarti and we got speaking about our next travel plan. He spoke about how he wishes his friend to not miss many treks. We discussed how we can’t really do much about his friend missing out on so much.

I could relate to this feeling because I have my favourite travel people too. It is only human to have favourites. But, my experience in my Nature Club camps has made me stronger.

My first camp, I went because I knew one person out of the entire group. On my second camp, I knew only two. On the third camp, there was no one, I still went for it and kept going irrespective of who could or couldn’t make it.

I believe, when you travel with someone, you connect to them on levels perhaps you normally wouldn’t. And when you find that bond, that connection, it is hard to let go. You wish to spend more time, knowing someone, exploring the place with that particular people.

With nature club today, I bond with so many people and each bond is so special in its own way. In my trek group too, I have my favourites and I cherish all these people.

I am overjoyed when all my people are present on the same trip. It sucks the same when they don’t make it. This is exactly what my cousin was feeling.

He has also felt the bond, the connection with his friend, he wants to trek and travel with this friend. He wants his friend to explore more and experience all the fun. I could relate to it when you feel this bond with someone, it is never enough!

Why is it never enough? Because who doesn’t like being loved? Who doesn’t like being taken care of? Who doesn’t wish to share a strong bond?

When we receive something, we want more of it. We expect everything in the universe to fall in place for us to have that one feeling. And, that is where we go wrong.

I believe, true bliss is in the ability to let go and not expect. To be happy when you receive and not crave for when you don’t. This is difficult and so is the ultimate feeling of peace.

We all crave for something, a special someone’s love, a mom’s hug, a dad’s smile, a friend’s company. We are all humans when we have such expectations and sometimes irrational wants. It is okay to feel so, but it isn’t okay to let this feeling affect anything else in our life.

I know someone who ruined her life because she didn’t receive the same amount of love from someone with whom she was for more than seven years. I have so many people on my Instagram and Facebook, perfect examples of bad parenting and broken families and how they are ruining their life in crave of that little love at home.

The sorrow might not be the same for all but they have one cause in common, expectation. It is so very hard to not expect. To not crave for love. It is only human to feel the need to be loved and feel extremely low when you don’t.

This struggle is real, in its smallest form and on the biggest level. But hopefully, we are able to raise ourselves above it and witness the true bliss.

I am not saying it is easy but is possible. I do not believe in heaven so much, but sure know we can feel peace right here on earth. If you feel this kind of bliss, dm me about it on Insta @nisha_navgire

September 23, 2018

Yay! It’s a year of my weekly!

A year back, same month, I began my first job. I did so because my results came in late and hence my admission process for masters got delayed. I took up this job, hoping to save some money for my course and travel dreams.

In a few days, I felt out of place. A strong need in me arose to make time after the job to do something I love. This lead to the birth of weekly blogging. Every week, I challenged myself, to whack my head and come up with some content.

As I look back at the posts, I feel I have grown. There are posts that suck so bad, I wish to erase them off completely, while there are posts that make me smile bright.

“Well written”

Thank you, Sir,

“This was a nice read, didn’t think of these aspects said Ashuta, a teacher from Bangalore”

Thank you, Sir, this made my day

Okay, let me decode this above lines. Sir, referring to the head of college Nature Club with whom I go for the big camps outside Maharashtra. He not only read my blog, but perhaps sent it across to others, and send me their feedback too!

He is a master of so many things, I owe the birth of my blog to him. This coming from him, made me mad. I took a screenshot and sent it to my friends, I told them, this has to go on my gravestone.

But, I also remember weeks where I didn’t have anything. The pen refused to write, the papers were totally blank. I didn’t give up. I cheated perhaps, I went through some old poems I wrote and posted that.

I must have missed a few weeks and haven’t really done a complete year of weekly blogging, but this is the closest I have got. And perhaps, now the challenge will be to be able to write and not miss a single week until next year.

The quality of content goes down when you do something you love, is the notion I was fed which kept me away from blogging too often. But this year’s experience has made me believe otherwise.

It is not so much of a test of your creativity as it is of your will. I remember, this fellow blogger’s feedback on one of my posts saying in a very polite way that it sucked, that it doesn’t fulfil the expectations from the previous stuff you have written.

His words made me choke. It killed me within. I felt I am good for nothing that I should give up this whole idea of weekly blogging. I should only pen what I feel in my book and leave it there. I almost decided to delete my blog.

I was about to do so when I read my first post again. I re-read all of my blogs. I edited the crap I had written. I gulped all my shit thoughts and penned an experience I had that week. I posted that week too and decided to not stop whatever the results.

The worst that can happen is I’ll have some stupid post up, but I can rework on it, I will have something up to work upon. The idea to keep flowing kept me going.

On a post a few weeks later he texts back saying it was one of my best. He is glad I kept writing. Little did he knew I almost gave up on it and he was the reason.

I am a person who definitely takes the smallest things to heart and feels shit about doing so. After a good nap, I am back to being me and dealing with stuff better. If I could get over this stupid blogger’s comment, you can too.

You can always make time to do something you love. You have to make the most of what you have now. It won’t be easy, but it isn’t impossible either. Insta @nisha_navgire is here to help!

September 16, 2018

One dare, done!

When we reached Bekare waterfall rappelling site, I saw the water and it called me towards it. I went and spent some time alone while the rappelling set up was being done. As always, I and the flowing water had a conversation.

Hours back on my bed at home I wasn’t even thinking to be here and promised mom to not come. The reason being my health. I had terrible weakness and couldn’t even sit for dinner.

But, I knew deep within me, there will be water around and I need not fear. I got up in the morning and left. The journey to the place was fine. The little climb to the waterfall which otherwise wouldn’t affect me drained me so much, I couldn’t stand.

As we reached, I sat near the water, conversed for a while and all my energy was somehow regained. I didn’t think much and just went to rappel down.

My stomach was aching out of hunger and what not. My back was telling me please lie down, don’t do this. But, there was water below my feet, I could trust it, I could trust the stones. I had people cheering for me too.

I did it. When I got down, I was trembling. All my energy had got down. I had nothing left in me, but the joy of going beyond my physical limits. The joy poured out of my eyes for a while. I couldn’t stop.

After I calmed down, a random boy who also rappelled down around the same time, approached me. He didn’t know me, but he looked at me and smiled.

“You have just experienced the epitome of happiness, which comes out of your eyes. There is nothing more beautiful than this.” He said

Little later, I and my cousin were sitting and recording footage of others in the group rappelling down. When one of the members who set the whole thing came,

‘Do you guys wish to do it again?’

‘Yes sure’ I and my cousin echoed

Why the hell did you say that? My mind kept abusing me for the next few minutes. It will take a toll on your health, don’t do it. Why is it necessary to become a hero? Did it once, now chill, will you? I ignored the crap my mind gave me and I went for it.

The start was good as it was a proper rappel patch which I am good at and I can do. I knew I was approaching the curve now and had to go right a bit, but the water flowing was so hard I slipped and went into the cave.

It felt quiet and calm, the sound of flowing water adding to the bliss. It was like a cold reassuring hug amidst the little panic of being stuck.

I stood there, cleaned my eye, figured the way and rappelled down. My feet were trembling, I kept slipping the easiest part towards the end, that’s what loss of confidence can do, but, I made it down. All the chaos around silenced for a minute. As I walked out of the water, I kept telling myself, yes you managed to do it twice.

I didn’t cry this time. It was more than happiness, it was a state of bliss. The moment I had in that little cave, where only I could stand the way I did.

On the way back, which drained me in the start, I jumped with joy. Quite literally, as I splashed all puddles and walked through a stream patch on the way.

What I did could have ended me in a big trouble. I could get severely sick. But, it was a leap of faith I took, trusting my physical abilities or more like challenging it. For the first time, the tagline of my blog came to life – “All that you wish to do is possible if you push yourself to do it”

Please do not try things that can cause you physical stress. But, maybe dare to do what your mind says you can’t. Do share your experience of doing so with me on Insta, @nisha_navgire!

September 10, 2018

How do I recover?

A while back I did something horrible. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror. I don’t know if you ever did something that bad and felt so about yourself, but if you ever do, I hope this post helps you.

I have low self-esteem and it got worse after I did this mistake. I struggle to accept the way I look, and how I am physically, but I have always told myself what is within matters more. And now, after this mistake, I had nothing to look up for within me.

I was struggling to do the mundane tasks of eating and bathing, leave aside studying or doing something productive. I wished to shout out and weep aloud. But, I live with my mom and I couldn’t.

The bathroom is my favourite place and thanks to the weather, walks in the rain also helped to somehow cry it out. After a day or two of weeping, I did nothing but slept. I got up, fed myself something and slept. That’s it, I did this on loop for almost a week.

I forced myself to do something productive, but I couldn’t. I realized I had to deal with this hurricane inside before it gets worse and affects people around me. I began with acceptance.

I wrote down every day that I did a horrible mistake, I wrote down why it was bad and what I learned from it. I wrote that it is only human to make mistakes and that clearly I am over-thinking and I should stop being too harsh on me.

This initiated the healing process. I began to learn an art I don’t usually do. I removed the sketchbook I was gifted months back. I watched videos online and began filling up the pages. I had always heard art can be therapeutic, but I experienced this for the first time.

My mind didn’t wish to be cooperative with the healing process. It was the second time I did this mistake and hence my mind refused to forgive me for doing it. It kept reminding me of the horrors of the last time I did it.

The mistake I did was mid-week, I didn’t have a travel plan following week. I knew I couldn’t plan one either. I had to sort this without nature’s help. This is when I realized I am part of nature and started to pamper myself.

I oiled my hair and took care of my feet too. Both, were in bad shape after back to back treks. I cleaned my cupboard, rearranged my desk and bookshelf. I read and also shopped for myself after ages.

The force out there really wished for me to be happy. I met dogs. Usually, these dogs visit our building only on the weekend as the dog owner doesn’t live in our building. But this time, they came mid-week.

I spent hours with the two dogs, a Lab and a German Shepard. Dogs spread joy no matter what they feel, hungry, thirsty or whatever. They never spread a low vibe, but they do sense one. The German Shepard never licked my face, but that day it did. The Lab always jumped all over me, that day it didn’t. It just lay on my thighs holding me as if saying it will be alright.

I decided to give myself another chance. I don’t know what I’ll do if I ever repeat this mistake but for now, I decided to let go. And the next thing that helped this process of recovery was music.

I heard songs that make me feel happy. I heard songs that I have never heard. I went crazy and had music always in the background no matter what I did. It felt nice, each song getting its own vibe, finally bringing back the smile.

It can be a mistake you did or anything that hinders the peace within. I hope this post provides a helping hand whenever you wish to heal. DM me on Instagram @nisha_navgire, always up for a chat on my blog!

September 3, 2018